Facebook is supposedly developing a new smart phone. If it's really smart it won't be letting it's users spend so much time on Facebook.
Really funny jokes, adult jokes, good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, very funny jokes, kids jokes, funny pictures
Friday, January 6, 2012
Superhero jokes-Bigamy
What did Superman say when he married two Women on the same day?
"That's mighty bigamy!"
What did Lex Luthor say when he did the same thing, then killed the women?
"That's awful bigamy!"
"That's mighty bigamy!"
What did Lex Luthor say when he did the same thing, then killed the women?
"That's awful bigamy!"
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Thursday, January 5, 2012
Short funny jokes-Timeline
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg apparently went hunting, killed a bison, nicknamed it "Billy," then mounted its head on a wall. Yeah, then Zuckerberg was like, "Anyone else want to complain about the new Facebook Timeline?"
-Jimmy Fallon
-Jimmy Fallon
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Funny jokes-Work out regimen
Now since I’ve started my work out regimen, I’ve lost 190 pounds.
I got divorced.
I got divorced.
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short humor jokes
Really funny jokes-Heart transplant
The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."
The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"
"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant." "I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."
The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"
"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant." "I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."
Labels:
doctor jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Good jokes-Attitude toward whisky
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'
'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'
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Short funny jokes-Harry Potter stories
I'm having trouble getting into the Harry Potter stories; I can believe in flying broomsticks and magic spells but a ginger kid with two friends?
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Clean jokes,
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Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Year's Resolutions for Him and Her
New Year's Resolutions for HIM and HER
Her - Lose weight / Go on a diet / Drink more water
Him - One case beer per weekend (unless having guys over or Superbowl weekend)
Her - ONLY one chocolate bar per week
Him - ONLY three nights at topless bar per week
Her - Workout - Jog/Step Bench 5 times week
Him - Move furniture to find lost little black book and bedroom TV remote
Her - Subscribe to Shape/Fitness Magazine
Him - Call 1-800 number to get on Victoria's Secret catalog mailing list
Her - Go on romantic second date with Bob/Accounting
Him - Score on second date with Suzy/Marketing
Her - Get organized/clean house
Him - Give old Penthouse mags to Goodwill (or younger brother)
Her - Buy new Daily Planner
Him - Buy new little Black Book if no luck under furniture
Her - Find out name of tall good-looking guy in Finance
Him - Score with tall, long-legged Blond in Finance
Her - Read More / Less TV
Him - Buy Dish - More sports channels!!
Her - Watch quality TV with positive messages
Him - When surfing DO NOT stop on "Allie McBeal" -EVER
Her - Plan budget / Save more money
Him - Only three nights at topless bar per week
Her - Lose weight / Go on a diet / Drink more water
Him - One case beer per weekend (unless having guys over or Superbowl weekend)
Her - ONLY one chocolate bar per week
Him - ONLY three nights at topless bar per week
Her - Workout - Jog/Step Bench 5 times week
Him - Move furniture to find lost little black book and bedroom TV remote
Her - Subscribe to Shape/Fitness Magazine
Him - Call 1-800 number to get on Victoria's Secret catalog mailing list
Her - Go on romantic second date with Bob/Accounting
Him - Score on second date with Suzy/Marketing
Her - Get organized/clean house
Him - Give old Penthouse mags to Goodwill (or younger brother)
Her - Buy new Daily Planner
Him - Buy new little Black Book if no luck under furniture
Her - Find out name of tall good-looking guy in Finance
Him - Score with tall, long-legged Blond in Finance
Her - Read More / Less TV
Him - Buy Dish - More sports channels!!
Her - Watch quality TV with positive messages
Him - When surfing DO NOT stop on "Allie McBeal" -EVER
Her - Plan budget / Save more money
Him - Only three nights at topless bar per week
Labels:
Adult jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Hilarious jokes-The seventh child
Dying Husband asks his wife:" Our 7th child always looked different from the other 6, did he have a different father?
wife(crying) : yes..............
husband : who?
Wife: You.........................
wife(crying) : yes..............
husband : who?
Wife: You.........................
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Knock knock jokes-Too many queations
Knock knock
Who's there?
Howe-wenwat-wai
How, when, what, why, who?
You ask too many questions! Forget it.
Who's there?
Howe-wenwat-wai
How, when, what, why, who?
You ask too many questions! Forget it.
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Clean jokes,
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short humor jokes
Monday, January 2, 2012
Really funny jokes-Taking pictures
The leading couple of this joke consists of a husband and a wife. The wife has just taken a shower and comes out wrapped in a towel, still shy being newly wed.
"Well, I've seen you naked. You don't need that towel," says the husband.
"I just feel more comfortable this way," the wife responds.
"But I want to take a picture of you in a natural state," continues the husband.
The wife gets suspicious and asks what the husband would do with the photo. "I'll put in in my wallet and keep it close to my heart all the time," he responds, and gets his picture then heading for shower himself. He returns clean but also wrapped in a towel.
"Why are you wearing that towel now - I want a photo of you in return," demands the wife. The Husband does as he's told, the photo's taken and they check the result in their digital camera.
"What will you do with this photo of me, then?" asks the husband.
The wife takes a good look at her husband, then the photo, then husband again. "I'll have it enlarged," she finally responds.
"Well, I've seen you naked. You don't need that towel," says the husband.
"I just feel more comfortable this way," the wife responds.
"But I want to take a picture of you in a natural state," continues the husband.
The wife gets suspicious and asks what the husband would do with the photo. "I'll put in in my wallet and keep it close to my heart all the time," he responds, and gets his picture then heading for shower himself. He returns clean but also wrapped in a towel.
"Why are you wearing that towel now - I want a photo of you in return," demands the wife. The Husband does as he's told, the photo's taken and they check the result in their digital camera.
"What will you do with this photo of me, then?" asks the husband.
The wife takes a good look at her husband, then the photo, then husband again. "I'll have it enlarged," she finally responds.
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Celebrity jokes-Down under
After their wedding, Prince William and Kate have announced that they'll be going "down under" to celebrate. They also plan to take a honeymoon; I think they said in Australia.
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Funny jokes-Never drink water
An army major went to a doctor because of his failing health. After thorough check up the doctor announced: “Hydropsy.”
“And what is Hydropsy?” The major asked.
Doctor: “There is more water in your body than is good for you.”
The major was a ‘whiskey-on-rocks’ guy. He exclaimed: “Water and me? My dear doctor, I will have you know that I never drink water.” And as an afterthought added: “It must have been all that ice.”
“And what is Hydropsy?” The major asked.
Doctor: “There is more water in your body than is good for you.”
The major was a ‘whiskey-on-rocks’ guy. He exclaimed: “Water and me? My dear doctor, I will have you know that I never drink water.” And as an afterthought added: “It must have been all that ice.”
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Clean jokes,
Good jokes,
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Sunday, January 1, 2012
Really funny jokes-Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover
Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover
1. You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.
4. The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
5. You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.
6. You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.
7. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
8. Your catch phrase is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"Happy New Year
1. You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.
4. The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
5. You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.
6. You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.
7. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
8. Your catch phrase is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"Happy New Year
Labels:
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
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