Really funny jokes-Lost Compass

Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems?

Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.

Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..

Clean jokes-Bat boy

Q: What position did Bruce Wayne play on his little-league team?

A: He was the bat-boy.

Blonde jokes-Four corners

There is a big room with four corners. In the first corner, you find Superman. In the second corner you find Batman. In the third corner you find Spiderman. And in the fourth corner you find a gorgeous, extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with a ultra-thin magazine-model figure. In the center of the room there is a pot of gold. Who gets to the pot of gold first?

A: None, because none of these characters exist.

Obama jokes-Cabinet

Q: What is the difference between Obama and Jesus?

A: Jesus can put a cabinet together.

Really funny jokes-Enormity

Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything.

Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself.

The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the men's room.

The clerk said certainly and told Casey the men's room was the third door down the corridor on the left.

Now Casey, trying to appear sober, weaved his way down the hallway remembering some of the directions.

When he reached the third door, he turned RIGHT, opened the door and immediately fell into the deep end of a pool.

The clerk, realizing Casey's mistake, ran down the hall and burst through the door, prepared to save him, and heard Casey shout, "Don't flush, I'm in here!"

One line jokes-Moron

Did you hear about the moron who ate some pennies and then asked if people saw any change in him?

Funny jokes-Girlfriend in car

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.

"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

Really funny jokes-Auditors

"The auditors have just left, sir."

"Did they check the books?"

"Very thoroughly."

"What did they say?"

"They want 15% to keep quiet."

Hilarious jokes-History test

How did you do in your tests ?

I did what George Washington did !

What was that ?

Went down in history !

Funny jokes-Superhero

Thinking of becoming a superhero? Here are some useful pointers.

1. Don't call yourself by your real name, e.g. Ms. Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.
2. Don't call yourself by someone else's real name, e.g. Mr. Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.
3. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess, e.g. Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.
4. Don't be too modest, e.g. Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-So, Fairly Incredibleman.
5. But don't labor the point, e.g. Mr. So-Powerful-Don't-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy.
6. Don't choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image, e.g. Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Evil
7. Don't choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.
8. It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is self-control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It's just asking for trouble.
9. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're not.
10. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're a girl.
11. Don't call yourself the Invisible Lady if you're a man - even if you do feel like a woman trapped in a man's body.
12. Don't give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable-to-Strontium 90.

Clean jokes-Mummy's tomb

What does the 1286BC inscribed on the mummy's tomb indicate ?

The registration of the car that ran him over !

Really funny jokes-Seeing Eye dog

A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs".

Now, picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

Kids jokes-Baby sister

Do you like your new baby sister?
She's all right.
Do you play with her?
No, and we can't even send her back because she's been here more than 28 days.

Hilarious jokes-Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn

Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn decide to go rob a bank.

"Now, remember the plan," Ivy tells Harley.

"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes. Five minutes...ten...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen...
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all tied up in rope. Behind her, the guard comes running out...with his pants down!

Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!"