Funny jokes-School lunch

School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.

"What kind of pie do you call this ?" asked one schoolboy indignantly.

"What's it taste of ?" asked the cook.

"Glue!" "Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap."

One line jokes-Drink and drive

Why do you need a driver's licence to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Hilarious jokes-Parrot in plane

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!"

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot".

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

Short funny jokes-Baby girls and boys

Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue?

Because they can't dress themselves.

Really funny jokes-You Know You're from New Mexico When

You Know You're from New Mexico When

Your favorite breakfast meat is sliced fried bologna.

You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago.

Your favorite restaurant has a chili list instead of a wine list.

You do all your shopping and banking at a drive-up window.

Your Christmas decorations include a yard of sand and 200 paper bags.

You have license plates on your walls, but not on your car.

You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.

You have an extra freezer just for green chili.

You think a yellow light means to go faster and a red light is merely a suggestion.

You don't make eye contact with other drivers because you can't tell how well armed they are just by looking.

You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.

You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane.

You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Las Vegas.

There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.

All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October.

You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.

Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.

You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3 AM because you were hungry.

Tumbleweeds and various cactus in your yard are not weeds. They are your lawn.

If you travel anywhere, no matter if just to run to the gas station, you must bring along a bottle of water and some moisturizer.

Good jokes-In the ditch

98% of Americans say "OH S$!&" before going in the ditch on a slippery road.

The other 2% are from Buffalo or Rochester, NY and they say, "Hold my beer and WATCH THIS!"

Economy jokes-Harvest crunch

The Allied Irish Bank has issued a credit warning about Kellogg's, they are worried about the Harvest Crunch.

Funny jokes-Blue elephants

Alonzo visits Doctor Pedro.

Alonzo: "Doctor, doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere."

Pedro: "Have you seen a psychologist yet?"

Alonzo: "No, just blue elephants."

Hilarious jokes-Two bankers

Two bankers are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.

While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the bankers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their jewelry, wallets and watches.

While this is going on banker number one puts something in banker number two's hand. Without looking down, banker number two whispers, 'What is this?' to which banker number one replies, 'It's that $50 I owe you.'

Really funny jokes-In case of emergency

A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.

A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.

"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"

"You mean if I become very sick?"

"Well . . . yes."

"If that happens, call a doctor!"

One line jokes-Slow down

Middle age is when you are warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.

Funny jokes-Running away with Neighbor

Daughter : I am in love with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.

Dad: Thanks , you have saved my money & time.

Daughter: Dad, I am reading the letter left by Mom.

Birthday jokes-Maple tree

Did you hear about the maple tree’s birthday?

It was a sappy one!

Really funny jokes-More American humor

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker -- WOO-EEE!!!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%## Motto? I Got Yer ##$%## Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right to An Attorney...

North Carolina: Tobacco IS A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep, syrup!

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men...and the sheep are scared!