Funny jokes-Stiff one

"So he asked me what I wanted, and I told him, 'A long, strong, stiff one.'"

"Oh, my!" "Yeah, but you should have seen his face when I said, 'I meant a drink!'"

Obama jokes-Coverage for preexisting conditions

Q: Under Obama's health care plan can you get coverage for preexisting conditions?

A: Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment!

Really funny jokes-The confessional box

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in:

"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

One line jokes-Roundest knight

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

Celebrity jokes-Satellite dish

Q: Why did Tom Cruise wear a satellite dish on his head during his wedding with Katie Holmes?

A: To get better reception of the signals from the aliens!

Funny jokes-Angry corpse

How can you tell if a corpse is angry?

It flips its lid!

Really funny jokes-Health insurance policy

A brilliant man goes to the hospital one day. "Doctor, I think I'm too smart. I can’t communicate with other people because nobody else sees things the way I do and it's ruining my social life. Is there anything you can do?”

The doctor performs many tests on the man, and finds that he is too smart for his own good. The doctor tells the man “Your IQ is 250, which is much greater than an average person. Luckily I can help you. I have a machine that will reduce your IQ to 160. You will still be very smart but you should be able to lead a normal life as well."

The man asks to receive the treatment immediately so the doctor straps him into the machine. Right after the doctor turns on the machine he gets a call from his ex-wife and they have a heated argument for several minutes. All of the sudden the doctor remembers his patient and hurriedly turns off the machine, but is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75. The doctor asks, "Are you ok?"

The formerly brilliant man doesn’t respond The doctor shakes him, yelling "Say Something."

The main replies "Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?"

Clean jokes-Telephone and pants

Q. What do you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants?

A. Bell-bottoms!

Funny jokes-Case of gonorrhea

The Mother Superior calls all the nuns together. She then says to them, " I must tell you something very serious. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

A nun in the back responds, "Thank God! I'm so tired of Zinfandel."

Blonde jokes-Red Magic Marker

Q: Why do blonde nurses carry a red Magic Marker?

A: In case they have to draw blood.

One line jokes-Heredity

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.

Short funny jokes-Witnesses

Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?

Italians hate ALL witnesses.

Really funny jokes-Breaking into a bank

Two thieves break into a bank in the middle of the night and open a safe. There is only some yogurt, but no money. They taste the yogurt. It's tainted.
The men open the next safe.
There is some yogurt too, it tastes much better but again - no money.
The thieves take on another safe. And there's yogurt again.

"John, why don't you go outside and look if it is indeed a bank!" says one to the other, and sits down to eat the yogurt which tastes really fresh and nutritious this time.

A couple of minutes late there comes John. "It is definitely a bank!"
"What exactly did the sign say?"
"The Sperm Bank of Ohio!"

Good jokes-Twice a week

Question. How does a woman know the man is cheating on her?

Answer. He starts bathing twice a week.