Short funny jokes-Surprised

"After a short hearing, Hillary Clinton was unexpectedly confirmed as secretary of state. Bill Clinton was so surprised he fell off his intern."

Really funny jokes-Learn

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.
"Ohhh, it's my girlfriend."
"Oh yeah? What's the problem?"
"When I asked her if she could learn to love me," he said, "she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.

Humor jokes-Ark

Noah went to see God to ask him for a new and improved 'ark'.
"Ok Noah. I think it is time you had a new ark", God said. "Take a seat, tell me your ideas, and I'll start a design".
"Well, firstly, I'd like it to have plenty of floors. Say, 5 or 6", Noah said.
"Ok... 5 or 6 floors"
"I'd also like some spaces on the floors as well, to keep things in."
"Right, spaces." And with this God starts drawing a few designs for Noah. "Would you like some animals in there to start you off?" God asked him.
"Erm... Fish!" Noah replied.
"Fish. Ok. What sort? Any in particular?"
"Carp, and plenty of them", Noah said.
"Carp. Anything else needed?" God asked.
And they went through various items such as the colour, doors, windows, etc. Finally, between them both they'd come up with a design that they both agreed on. Sitting back in his chair admiring the new 'ark', God asked Noah, "So, what are you going to call it? Have you thought of anything?"
"Well God. I thought I'd call it 'Noah's Multi-Story Carp Ark'

Animal jokes-The Bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he got it. He told them to leave him alone and let him get some sleep.
However, they persisted until he finally gave in. "Okay, follow me," he said as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!" all the other bats screamed in a frenzy.
"Good," shouted the blood soaked bat, "because I didn't!"

Really funny jokes-Fight Like a Man

Three men were sitting in a bar lying about how under their thumb they had their wives.
The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.
They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so under my thumb that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."
Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.
The man replied,"Well, I was laying under the bed and she crawled over and said, 'Come out and fight like a man!

Clean jokes-Boat painter

A boat painter was awarded the job of painting a small sail boat and when he was asked by the owner, how long it would take him to finish the job, he replied, "Two weeks".
Three weeks went by and the owner, a little concerned about the delay, confronted the painter.
"Hey Carl", said the owner, "You told me that it would take you two weeks to paint my boat and it's been three weeks....What' s up with that?"
The painter put his paintbrush down, looked the owner square in the eye and said, "That was two NAUTICAL weeks, like a nautical mile, they're a little longer".

Kids jokes-Preacher

After listening restlessly to a long and tedious sermon, a young boy asked his mother what the preacher did the rest of the week.
"Oh he's a very busy man," the mother replied. "He takes care of church business, visits the sick, ministers to the poor.... and then he has to have time to rest up. Talking in public isn't an easy job, you know."
The boy thought about that, then said, "Well, listening ain't too easy, either."

Short funny jokes-Nature

Fred: My girlfriend loves nature.
Dave: That's very generous of her, considering what nature has done to her.

Really funny jokes-Read All About It

Every Valentine's Day our campus newspaper has a section for student messages.
Last year my roommate surprised his girlfriend with roses and dinner at a fancy restaurant.
When they returned from their date, she leafed through the paper to see if he had written a note to her.
Near the bottom of one page she found:
"Bonnie -- What are you looking here for?
Aren't dinner and flowers enough?
Love, Scott."
-- Contributed by Richard B. Blackwell.

Clean jokes-Laugh Lines

"Wow, you're sure getting a lot of 'Laugh Lines', aren't you?" a woman asked her co-worker.
"'Laugh Lines'? What are 'Laugh Lines'?"
"You know, those lovely lines in your face that develop if you smile or laugh a lot."
"Oh, that makes sense, then. When you've dated as many clowns as I have, 'Laugh Lines' must be inevitable."

Hindi jokes-Shaadi

Shaadi se pehle shadi ke baad
Shaadi ke pehle ladki: Darling tum nahi toh main nahi… Aur main nahi toh tum nahi!
Shaadi ke baad ladki: Aaj ya toh tu nahi ya main nahi!!

Shaadi aur mobile
Shaadi aur mobile me kya similarity hai?
Sirf dimag me ek hi sooch aati hai ki,
Thode din aur ruk jata to naya model mil jata.

Short funny jokes-Heaven

Sardar's wife: You know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven!
Sardar: Yes, I do.That's why it's called heaven!

Really funny jokes-10 Reasons Why God Created Eve!

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because he knew men would never ask directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what's on television, they want to see what else is on television.

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctors appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to be someone to bear children, because men would never be able to handle it.

4. As "Keeper of the Garden" Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

3. The scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." He only ends up getting himself in trouble.

AND the #1 REASON WHY GOD CREATED EVE is ...

1. When God had finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head and said, "I know I can do better than THIS!!"

Blonde jokes-Alligator

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and, frustrated, shouts out,
"Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!