TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as: "father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
TELEGRAM #3
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".
Really funny jokes, adult jokes, good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, very funny jokes, kids jokes, funny pictures
Monday, August 13, 2007
Teacher Jokes-Illogical
Students secures lower grades in the externals, after looking at the mark sheet he asks professor.
Student : "Can you answer any question ? " .
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
Student : "Can you answer any question ? " .
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Affair jokes
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes,
Short funny jokes
How gurls turn guys down
HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
Labels:
Short funny jokes
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Humor jokes-Gorilla Control
A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.
"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated. "
"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"
"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."
"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated. "
"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"
"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes
Really Funny jokes-Bear and Rabbit
There once was a bear and a rabbit and they hated each other. The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a magical talking tree.
The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes a piece if you will stop fighting!"
So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females."
And all the bears in the forest turned into females.
The rabbit said: "I wish I had a helmet." Rabbit gets the helmet and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: "I wish all the bears in the country are females." The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, "I wish I have a motorcycle." By this point the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he's ever seen.
The rabbit could wish for money and have all the motorcycles in the world.
The bear says: "I wish all the bears in the world are female." The wish is granted.
When it's the rabbit's turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his motorcycle, starts and says: "I wish that turn this bear in gay ."
The tree said: "I will grant you 3 wishes a piece if you will stop fighting!"
So the bear went first. "I wish all the bears in the forest are females."
And all the bears in the forest turned into females.
The rabbit said: "I wish I had a helmet." Rabbit gets the helmet and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: "I wish all the bears in the country are females." The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, "I wish I have a motorcycle." By this point the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he's ever seen.
The rabbit could wish for money and have all the motorcycles in the world.
The bear says: "I wish all the bears in the world are female." The wish is granted.
When it's the rabbit's turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his motorcycle, starts and says: "I wish that turn this bear in gay ."
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes
Senior dating
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Humor Jokes
A Doctor in Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he told his assistant "Ya Ole, I am going hunting tomorrow and we don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of our patients".
"Yes, sir..." answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks: "So Ole, how was your day?" Ole tells him he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache, so I gave him TYLENOL." "Bravo! Ya, Ole, and the second one?" says the doctor. "The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says Ole. "Bravo, bravo Ole! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door opens, and a woman enters like a flame.
She undresses herself, taking off her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spread her legs and shouts: HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!!" And what did you do Ole?" asks the doctor.
"I put eye drops in her eyes.".
"Yes, sir..." answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks: "So Ole, how was your day?" Ole tells him he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache, so I gave him TYLENOL." "Bravo! Ya, Ole, and the second one?" says the doctor. "The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says Ole. "Bravo, bravo Ole! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door opens, and a woman enters like a flame.
She undresses herself, taking off her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spread her legs and shouts: HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!!" And what did you do Ole?" asks the doctor.
"I put eye drops in her eyes.".
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes
Funny Signs
Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an London office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a London secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Signboard in Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Notice In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an London office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a London secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
Signboard in Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Notice In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
Labels:
Short funny jokes
Humour Jokes-Blue pill
A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks.
He declines. "It's this V-gra... the Blue Pill," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires.
He declines. "It's this Blue Pill," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. Would he like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?
He declines. "It's this ED medicine," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm starving."
He declines. "It's this V-gra... the Blue Pill," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires.
He declines. "It's this Blue Pill," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. Would he like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?
He declines. "It's this ED medicine," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm starving."
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes
Humor Jokes
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
Labels:
Teacher Jokes
Friday, August 10, 2007
sardar joke in hindi
Due to the increasing sardar jokes in the country,
santa and banta were little tensed..
They both decide to arrange a seminar in hariyana for
this issue..
the subject of the seminar was "Ban Sardar Jokes".
After the seminar gets over, santa and banta along wid
some more sardarji's leave for delhi to meet the
Cultural Affairs minister shri Surinder Singh..
After waitin for a long time they get the chance to
meet the minister..
On meeting the minister Santa shouts loudly "Kaise
sardarji ho ji aap, Desh mein din ba din Sardarjiyo
par joke likha ja raha hai aur aap Mantri ho kar bhi,
kuch karte hi nahi.. aap turant in jokes par ban
lagaiye.."
After thinkin for a little time the minister says
"Mere pyare sardarji Bhaiyon, aap in jokes ko dil se
kyon lete ho, jokes to jokes hai, aur waise bhi hum
sardarji log kuch buddhu hote hain.."
On hearing this, Santa and banta gets angry n shouts
"arre mantri jara sabit kar ke dikhao ki sardarji
buddhu hain.."
The minister says," Oye, ye lo ji, is mein konsi badi
baat hai, abhi lo.." n he calls his driver "oye Mika
singh, jara idhar aa".
Mika comes in the cabin.. Minister says.. "oye mika ja
daud ke ja aur pata kar ki mein ghar pahuncha ki
nahi.. Mika goes away..
Then the minister says.. "Dekh lo kitna buddhu hai,
Telephone kar ke nahi puch sakta tha.."
santa and banta were little tensed..
They both decide to arrange a seminar in hariyana for
this issue..
the subject of the seminar was "Ban Sardar Jokes".
After the seminar gets over, santa and banta along wid
some more sardarji's leave for delhi to meet the
Cultural Affairs minister shri Surinder Singh..
After waitin for a long time they get the chance to
meet the minister..
On meeting the minister Santa shouts loudly "Kaise
sardarji ho ji aap, Desh mein din ba din Sardarjiyo
par joke likha ja raha hai aur aap Mantri ho kar bhi,
kuch karte hi nahi.. aap turant in jokes par ban
lagaiye.."
After thinkin for a little time the minister says
"Mere pyare sardarji Bhaiyon, aap in jokes ko dil se
kyon lete ho, jokes to jokes hai, aur waise bhi hum
sardarji log kuch buddhu hote hain.."
On hearing this, Santa and banta gets angry n shouts
"arre mantri jara sabit kar ke dikhao ki sardarji
buddhu hain.."
The minister says," Oye, ye lo ji, is mein konsi badi
baat hai, abhi lo.." n he calls his driver "oye Mika
singh, jara idhar aa".
Mika comes in the cabin.. Minister says.. "oye mika ja
daud ke ja aur pata kar ki mein ghar pahuncha ki
nahi.. Mika goes away..
Then the minister says.. "Dekh lo kitna buddhu hai,
Telephone kar ke nahi puch sakta tha.."
Labels:
Hindi Jokes,
sardar Jokes
Monday, August 6, 2007
humor jokes
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Labels:
Short funny jokes
Really Really funny jokes - Interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"
The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"
The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
Labels:
Really Funny Jokes
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