Happy neighbor

The inspector asked Jerry, "Your neighbor's wife is missing. So why have you come to file a missing person's complaint? Did you have an affair with her?"

Jerry replied, "No sir, I never had any affair with her. It's just that I am not able to stand my neighbor's happiness! It's been 4 days since his wife is missing, and he has been partying every night!"

Husband's occupation

Sally met her niece Ana after a number of years.
Sally asked, "Did you marry?"
Ana replied, "Yes I did."
Sally asked, "What does your husband do?"
Ana replied, "He regrets!"

No Satisfaction

Judge Simons looked at the couple and asked, "Mr. Warner, why are you filing for separation from your wife?"

Mr. Warner replied, "Because I don't get satisfaction with her."

Judge Simons then asked the lady, "Mrs. Warner, do you want to say something about this?"

Mrs. Warner barked, "The entire locality gets satisfaction! Only this idiot has a problem."

The fight

Tom called the police helpline and said, "Hey! I am in urgent need of help."
The attendant asked, "Calm down and tell me what happened."
Tom replied, "There's a fight between two women. It's concerning me."
The attendant asked, "So what is the crisis?"
Tom replied, "The ugly one is taking the lead!"

The shoe salesman

The shoe salesman said to the difficult customer, "Madam, I have shown you all the pairs of shoes that are on display in this store but you don't seem to like anything. What is it that you are looking for?"

The lady, ignoring the salesman's question, pointed out to a box and said, "What is there in that box? You have not shown it to me yet."

The salesman replies, "Madam, please have mercy on me. That is my lunch box."

No Action

Martha came home and said to her husband, "Bill, I am sorry but the gynac said we cannot make love for the next 6 weeks."

Bill looked up from the newspaper he was reading and asked, "Uh...ok...and what did the dentist have to say?"

Different positions

After being promised that she will make him experiment with different positions, Juan immediately proposed to Tina. 

Now, Juan is her hubby, her maid, her laundry guy, her cook and her electrician!

What do you want?

A man walked into a store.

The store owner asked him, "What do you want, Sir?'

The man replied, "I need optimism, toughness, the will to fight the evils of the world, the power to confront injustices."

The store owner replied, "Here you are sir, a bottle of premium whisky, and some chips to go with it."

Santa's interview

Santa Singh decided to appear for an interview at the Railways for the position of a guard.

The interviewer asked him, "What will you do if you see 2 trains approaching each other on the same track?"

Santa Singh replied, "I will signal with a red flag."

The interviewer asked, "What if you can't find the flag?"

Santa Singh replied, "I will signal with a torch."

The interviewer asked, "What if you can't find the torch?"

Santa Singh replied, "I will signal with my red jacket."

The interviewer asked, "What if you are not wearing a red jacket on that day?"

Santa Singh replied, "Then I will ask my son to rush to the station?"

The interviewer asked, "Why would you do that??"

Santa Singh replied, "He has never seen two trains collide."