Thursday, June 5, 2014

Phantom

Dana and Ted's granddaughter, Alice had come to stay with them for the summer vacations, and they decided to take the kid out for dinner. The pizzeria where they went, had movie memorabilia plastered on all the walls.

Ted was in the queue to order their pizza, and when he returned, he saw little Alice staring at a poster of Phantom standing in a phone booth. Seeing a puzzled expression on Alice's face, Ted asked Dana, "Doesn't she know who Phantom is?"

"Worse, "Dana replied, "Alice doesn't even know what a phone booth is!"

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The old machine


Alex Wagner, a wealthy 82 year old businessman, marries Elie, a 24 year old girl from the country.

A year goes by and Elie delivers a baby. Dr. Johnson comes out of the delivery room and congratulates Alex telling him that his wife gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

The old man says proudly, "The old machine is still up and running!"

A year later, Elie gives birth to another child. Dr. Johnson comes out of the delivery room and congratulates the old man telling him that his wife gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Old Alex says proudly, "The old machine is still up and running!"

Another year goes by and Elie delivers a third baby. Dr. Johnson again greets and congratulates the old businessman for a son that his wife had delivered again. Alex is elated and announces once again, "The old
machine is still up and running!"

The good doctor can't take it any more, so he blurts out, "I know, but I suggest you get the oil changed because this one is black!"

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Jovie's wits

David asks his little son Jovie, "Tell me Jovie, whom do you love more, Mom or Dad?"

Jovie had learnt to be diplomatic at an early age. So he replied, "I love you both the same."

David said, "Son, you need to choose between one of us."

Jovie replied, "My answer is BOTH!"

So, David decides to test him further and asks, "Ok, if I go to London and your mother decides to go to Rome, where will you go?"

Jovie says, "I will go to Rome."

David says to his son, "That means you love your mother more than you love me."

Jovie replies, "No. I want to go to Rome because it is more beautiful than London."

David tests his son again, "Fine, if I go to Rome and your mother goes to London, who will you go with?"

Jovie replies, "I will go to London."

David says, "Why? You just said Rome is better."

Jovie chuckles and says,"But I have just visited Rome, right?"

Monday, June 2, 2014

Blondie's troubles

Blondie was at Marvin's Door & Windows showroom having an argument with the salesman.

She said, "Just six months back, I converted into a green home by replacing all my windows with those pricey energy efficient ones that you convinced me to take. And now, I receive a notice from you that I have not paid for the windows!!"

The salesman said, "That's absolutely right, mam."

Blondie said, "Do you think I am stupid? Didn't you claim that the windows would pay for themselves in 6 months."

Sunday, June 1, 2014

You need proof!

Ronnie goes to his lawyer, Mr. Shark and complains, "My neighbor Bonnie owes me $300 but does not intend to return it. Is there something I can do to recover it?"

Mr. Shark asks Ronnie, "Do you have any proof of the transaction?"

"No", replies Ronnie.

Mr. Shark advises, "Well then, write a mail to Bonnie asking him for the $600 he owes you."

Ronnie says, "But he owes me only $300!"

Mr. Shark replies, "I know. That's what he will write back to you and that will give us the evidence we need."

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Bubba's call

Bubba calls Dr. Sobers in the middle of the night and says, "Dr. Sobers, the missus is experiencing severe pain in the stomach. Think it's her appendix."

Doctor Sobers, obviously upset for being disturbed at 1 am, growls, "What the hell are you talking? I removed your wife's appendix just a year back! Get off the phone

and let me sleep!"

After about 10 minutes, Bubba calls again and says, "Dr Sobers, I am mighty sure it's her appendix."

Dr. Sobers yells, "Good lord, have I not told you already I removed her appendix. Do you know of anyone having a second appendix?"

Bubba replies, "No. I have not. But I can bet you know of someone having a second wife!!"

Friday, May 30, 2014

Love in the modern times

Madonna says to her father, "Daddy, I am head over heals in love with a guy, but he is so far away from me. I am in the US, he lives in India. We found each other on a dating site, got to be friends on Fb, chatted in Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Google Hangouts and we built our relationship on Snapchat. Daddy dear, please don't preach. Just need your love and support."

Madonna's dad says, "That's something! Why don't you marry on Twitter, have a good time on Tango, purchase your kids on Amazon and send them through Paypal.  And if your husband is giving you a tough time, sell him on Ebay."
            

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Worn out!

The elderly Mrs. Caroll walked into Dr. O Brien's clinic.

Dr. O Brien, a renowned gynac, asked Mrs. Caroll to lie down for a check up.

The good doctor switched on his goose-neck lamp and was having trouble holding the lamp in one place to be able to see properly.

Dr O Brien commented to the nurse, "It seems to have worn out."

Mrs. Caroll sat up and exclaimed, "I am 77. What do you expect, doc?"

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

It's a fine day

Jacob says to his wife Geena, "Isn't today a fine day?"

Geena replies, "Yes, it is."

The next day, Jacob says to Geena again, "Isn't today a fine day?"

Geena reples, "It is, dear."

The next day Jacob asks the same thing to Geena. This goes on for a week till Geena can't take it any more and asks Jacob, "What's wrong with you, darling? I know the weather is good but why do you keep asking if its a fine day?"

Jacob shoots back, "Remember we quarreled last week and you had said you are going to leave me one fine day. well, all I was doing is remind you!"