Hilarious jokes-Firing squad

Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney were set to face a firing squad in Mexico. Sarah Palin was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given, she yelled out, "Cyclone!"

The firing squad panicked and Sarah, taking the opportunity, managed to escape.

Newt Gingrich was next to be placed against the wall. The squad collected again and Newt wondered if he could try his luck. So, just before the firing order was given, he shouted, "Twister!"

Again the squad ran helter skelter and Newt, taking advantage of the situation, gave them the slip.

Now, it was Mitt Romney's turn and he was placed against the wall. He thought to himself, "I can play the same game - I just have to scream out something about a disaster and escape."

As the guns were raised in his direction, he confidently screamed, "Fire!"

Really funny jokes-Governor's grammar

Texas governors in the early 1900s were not known to be very educated. One such character called Ferguson thought "grammar" was his father's mother.

On a sunny day, Ferguson decided to go hunting but he forgot his gun. He called his secretary and asked him to send the gun.

"I cannot hear you properly," shouted the secretary into the phone. "Can you please spell the last word."

Ferguson yelled, "It's 'G' as in Jesus; 'U' as in onion; 'N' like in pneuma G-U-N, you idiot!"

Animal jokes-Floor material

Tom: Do you know what is the floor of a dinosaur's home made of?

Jerry: Let me guess...Rep-Tiles

Hillbilly jokes-Smart son

Audrey-Anne, the hillbilly said to her friend, "You know, my boy's real smart!" He's only five but already spell his name backwards and forwards!"

"What's his name?" asked the friend.

Audrey-Anne replied ,"Bob."

Short funny jokes-Horrible witch

Bobby to Johnny: My dad saw a scary ghost and didn't turn a hair!

Johnny: Doesn't surprise me - your dad's bald!

Funny jokes-That's not it

A sergeant noticed that one of the privates was behaving oddly. The private would pick up any piece of paper he found, sulk and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the sergeant arranged to have the private psychologically tested.

The psychologist concluded that the private was mentally ill, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The private picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."

Office jokes-Get back on your feet

I went to a car dealership in my locality, and noticed they had found a creative way to warn customers who defaulted payments. Their sign said:

"The greatest way to get back on your feet - miss an installment payment."

Really funny jokes-Signs

Signs that indicate you should start looking for a new lawyer:

# He tells you that his last good case was a Stroh's beer.
# When the prosecutors notice who your lawyer is, they hug each other.
# He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
# He claims that he has never told a lie.
# A workplace has a sign saying "Don't ask me."
# You find a prison guard shaving your head.

Teacher jokes-Statue of Venus

Mrs. Katrina, the Arts teacher, addressed the class with a statue of Venus in her hands.
"What do you like best about this piece of art? Raise your hands."

Steven raised his hand and said, "The symmetry."

"Very good. And you, Justin?"

"Her assets!" says Justin

"Get out of the class, Justin and stand in the hall," responds Mrs. Katrina with loathing. "And you, Bubba?"

"I'm leaving, ma'am, I'm leaving..."