Reciprocate

Tina asked her husband, "Why did you not attend the funeral of your friend's wife?"

Joe replied, "Because it is embarrassing. I have attended funerals of 2 of his wives and this is the death of his third wife, while I have never been able to reciprocate."

Marrying Grandma

Little Tommy says to his father, "Daddy, I want to get married soon."

His father asked, "Why is that?"

Little Tommy replied, "I don't know but I want to get married. If you don't find a bride for me, I will marry grandma."

His father was amused and asked, "But why will you marry my mother?"

Little Tommy replied, "If you married my mother, why can't I marry yours?"

Open a book

Tom, while scolding his son, said, "Why don't I ever see you study? Never seen you open a book."

The teen replied, "I do open a book every day."

Tom asked, "And which one is that??"

The teen said, "Facebook!"

All about birds

Miss Monica, the English teacher asked the little Tom, "Do you know all about birds?"

Little Tom replied, "Yes, madam. I do."

Miss Monica asked, "Tell me which bird cannot fly."

Little Tom replied, "A dead one!"

One sided love

Billy said to his friend, "What is your view on one-sided love?"

Joey says, "I think I would prefer it over both-sided love. When love is on both sides, sometimes it culminates into marriage!" 

Seeing the doc

Alex went to see Dr. Jones and sneezed the moment he walked in the doc's cabin.

The doctor asked, "Flu?"

Alex said, "No, I took a bus."

The honeymoon offer

Elena went to see a travel agent and asked him, "Do you have any cheap honeymoon offers?"

The travel agent replied, "Of course, we have. 3 nights and 4 days in Zurich only for $1500 only."

Elena asked, "Anything cheaper than that?"

The travel agent said, "3 nights & 4 days in Bangkok for $1000 only."

Elena further asked, "Anything cheaper than that?"

The travel agent said, "2 nights & 3 days in Malaga for $750."

Elena, still not happy with the price, asked, "Anything cheaper?"

The travel agent replied, "Yes. 9 nights and 10 days in Paris, London and Rome. You will be booked in the honeymoon suite of the best 5 star hotels.Food, hotel stay, all travel expenses and sight seeing will be free."

Elena was excited and exclaimed, "Wow! What a super offer! What's the catch?"

The travel agent smiled and replied, "The husband will be provided by us!"