An announcement

My Spanish friend David bought tickets to the European Football League match between FC Barcelona and Real Madrid to be played next Sunday 3rd July. You know how he got himself in a mess? He completely forgot that he is to get married on Sunday. Well, he had purchased the tickets a couple of days before finalizing the Wedding Day.

Now that there is no way the dates can be changed and considering it is the most significant event of his life, David would like to know if anybody is interested in tying the knot.

Birthday joke-Red Ferrari

Julie demands from her boyfriend Kevin, "Where is my birthday gift?"

Kevin replies, "Do you see the red Ferrari parked on the other side of the street?"

Julie starts screaming and jumping with joy.

"Hold on a minute", says Kevin, "I got you a lipstick of exactly the same colour!"

Knock Knock joke-Caller

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Caller.
Caller who?
Caller on her cellphone.

Wife joke-Remember you

After a big argument with her husband Rajesh, Mira left their home and went to her parents' place.

Rajesh called her after a week and asked, "Darling, how are you doing?"

Mira said, "You are calling after a whole week. Why didn't you call earlier?"

Rajesh replied,"I was very busy."

Mira said, "Really? Then why have you called now?"

Rajesh replied, "I could not sleep last night. There were many mosquitoes in the room sucking my blood. So I remembered you."

Knock knock joke-Command

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Command.
Command who?
Command get me!

Funny joke-Missing

Tina said to her husband Rex, "What will you do if I go missing some day?"

Rex replied instantly, "I will give an ad in the papers."

Tine said, "And what will the ad read?"

Rex replied, "Finders keepers."

Couple joke-Poison

As all married couples fight, there was this huge argument between Harold and Gina. Harold decided to give her the silent treatment and stopped talking altogether.

On the third day, Gina got fed up and said to her husband, "If you don't talk till the count of 10, I will consume poison."

She started counting, "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8"

Harold was silent.

Gina said, "9!!"

Harold was still silent. 

 

Gina screamed, "Please say something!" and then she started sobbing.

Harold said, "Finish the counting."

Gina said with a smile, "Thank God you spoke, or else I would have really consumed the poison."