Saturday, September 8, 2012

Really funny jokes-More things to do in a library

Things to do in a library

1. Every time the person next to you turns the page, make a strange sound, or a beep.

2. Announce the page number each time you turn a page.

3. Constantly shift in your seat, and if the person next to you asked what is wrong, reply by saying, "I'm constipated. Hehe."

4. Spell every single word as you read it.

5. Chew gum with your mouth open, and smack your lips while reading.

6. Act like you’re picking your nose. And eating it.

7. Snort loudly, and gargle with your spit.

8. Sneeze a lot.

9. Hold your book right next to your eyes.

10. Every few minutes, get up out of your chair, walk around the table, and sit back down.

11. Stand up, and continue reading.

12. Make a strange sound every few minutes, then act like you didn't do it.

13. Bring a bag of cat food, and start snacking on it.

14. Bring a box of crunchy cereal, a bowl, and a spoon. Then dig in messily, and crunch on it.

15. Ask them, got milk??

16. Read out loud attempting to pronounce easy words. Butcher them badly. But be able to pronounce hard words.

17. Fall out of your seat, then say, meant to do that.?Then do it again. And again.

18. Bring a laptop, and turn up the sound, and play a very noisy game.

19. Wear too many sweaters, and complain how hot it is.

20. Bring one of those fans with a squirt bottle attached, and make it look like you’re attempting to squirt yourself, but hit them instead.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Lawyer jokes-Funny exchanges in Court

Hilariously crazy exchanges in the court of Law:

Lawyer: Are you Donald Asher's mother?
Witness: Yes, I am.
Lawyer: How long have you known him?

----

Lawyer: What happened after that?
Witness: He said to me,"I have no choice but to kill you as you can identify me."
Lawyer: Did he kill you?

Short funny jokes-Aftershave

Roy: "Hey, heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?"

Tom: "You mean the Axe effect, don't you?"

Roy: "No, it's a new one. It smells of $100 dollar bills."

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Clean jokes-Better job

Alice, a little girl of 5, was observing her grandpa very intently. Her grandpa asked her, "what are you looking at, my child?"

Running her fingers over his bald head, and his wrinkled face, Alice asked, "Were you created by God?"

"Yes" he answered.

"Did god create me, too?" she asked.

"Yes", he replied.

"Well", she shrugged, "Do you agree he's doing a better job now than he used to?"

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Really funny jokes-Sound of wasps

The man who is the world's leading expert on wasps is walking through Droitwich one day when he passes an old vinyl record shop.

Looking in the window, an album catches his eye: "The Sounds of Wasps from Around the World". He enters the store and asks the salesgirl if he can listen to the album.

"Sure...just go into the booth and put on the headphones," replies the shop assistant.

He does this and listens to ten minutes of buzzing noises until he can take no more.....he leaves the booth and says to the salesgirl, "I'm an expert on wasps and I have to say that I didn't recognize any of those noises".

"Oh, I'm so sorry," answers the assistant, "I was playing you the B side."

[ BEE.....]

Animal jokes-Italian dinosaur family

Q: What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called?

A: Ptera Don

Monday, September 3, 2012

Clean jokes-Bald head

Luke, who lived in a small town, was teased everywhere he went as he had a completely bald head! Having put up with it for years, he decided to would not take it any more. So he climbed a tall tower and shouted for everyone to hear: "I am not bald, it just so happens that I'm taller than my hair!"