Hilarious jokes-Expedition across Sahara Desert

An Englishman, an American, and an Irishman planned an expedition across the Sahara Desert, and at the appointed time each shows up with the luggage critical to his survival.

Motioning to his umbrella, the Englishman says, "It's going to be hot out there, roaming across the desert, so I've brought something to keep the sun off me".

The American says "What's really needed here is good old American know-how, so I've brought along a portable air-conditioner to keep me cool throughout the day."

They look across at the Irishman, who is carrying nothing but a right front door to a 1968 Holden. "It's going to be a scorcher out there," he explains, "and so when it gets too hot, I want to be able to wind down the car window."

Clean jokes-Answers in the Bible

There was a guy who owned his own business. He sold plastics to many different companies. One day one of his warehouses burnt to the ground. This led to many orders being canceled and a loss of customers. The insurance company was not going to cover the damage. This guy was in real trouble. He could lose everything.

Well, the guy decided to see his minister. He said to the minister, "I need help! My warehouse burnt to the ground, my product is all gone, my customers are leaving, and I am losing everything!"

The minister told him, "You can find all the answers to your problems in the Bible."

The guy asked, "Where should I start?"

The minister answered, "If you do not know where to look, just open the book and place your finger on the page, and start right there. Sooner or later you will find your answers."

Well, A few months later the minister ran into the individual. It was obvious the individual had become very successful. He had a new car, new clothes, several rings and chains.

The guy walks over to the minister and says, "Thank you. The answers I found turned my life around!"

The minister was curious and said, "In what passage did you find your answers?"

The man says, "I did just what you said. I opened the Bible to a spot, looked down, and found my answer staring me right in the face - "Chapter 11."

Really funny jokes-Turpentine

Paddy and Mick, both farmers, met one day at a Kilkenny fair.
"Tell me," said Paddy, "what did you give your mule when he had colic?"
"Turpentine," said Mick.
A few months later they met again.
"What did you say you gave your mule when he had colic?" asked Paddy.
"Turpentine," said Mick.
"Well, I gave my mule turpentine, and he died," said Paddy.
"That's strange," said Dave, "so did mine."

Short funny jokes-Smart ass

What is the definition of a smart ass?

Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is.

Animal jokes-Elephant crossing road

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?

A: Chicken's day off.

Funny jokes-Recognize

An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.
"I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years".
"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American.
"I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time".
"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American.
"Of course he will," said the Irishman. "Sure, an' I haven't been away at all".

Hilarious jokes-Return tickets

Fifteen minutes after the Titanic sank, Israel and Abraham find themselves on the same overturned lifeboat. The water is freezing, sharks are cruising by, and the boat is slowly sinking.

"Oh, well" said Israel, "It could have been worse".

"Worse? How could it be worse?", screamed Abraham.

"Well, we could have bought return tickets!"