Yo mama jokes-Aircraft carrier

I know yo mama from personal experience. She's just like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port.

Teacher jokes-Vocab lesson

The English teacher in a school in Spanish Harlem decided it was time for the weekly vocabulary lesson.

"What's the difference between select and choose... Ramone?" she asked.

"Select is when you pick something," he answered, "and choose are what Puerto Ricans wear on their feet."

Short funny jokes-Play marbles

Mummy, mummy can I play marbles now?
Shut up son, you can't use grandpa's glass eye today!

Funny jokes-Irishman in Post office

An Irishman goes to his local post office with a parcel for his mother in Dublin.

"This parcel is too heavy" the post office clerk tells him, "you'll need to put some more stamps on it".

Says the Irishman in amazement, "And, if I put some more stamps on it, the parcel will get lighter?"

Good jokes-Six day war

Just after the Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, a TV reporter had an interview with the Israeli general, Moshe Dayan.

Reporter: "Tell me, general, how did the Israelis finish the war in only six days?"

"Well, we only had the tanks on a week's approval!"

Really funny jokes-Miss the wife

Two cannibals are having dinner together.

The guest says to his host, "Your wife sure makes a great meal."

"Yeah, but I'm going to miss her" his friend replies.

Funny hilarious jokes-Athiest in the Ocean

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."