Short funny jokes-Being 99

Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.

Blonde jokes-In commercials

Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?

A: Double-dumb

Yo mama jokes-Nasty

- Yo mama's so nasty, she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!

- Yo mama's so nasty, she calls Janet "Miss Jackson."

- Yo mama's so nasty, she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

Really funny jokes-ten years ago

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.”

“Heck, Gloria,” the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, “we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn’t heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!”

Clean jokes funny-She's the devil

Last night as I headed to the cash register at Gelson’s, a middle-aged blond woman was in a tirade at the check-out stand.

“She’s the Devil,” she rasped to a thin fey man next to her in line.

I stopped and asked her dead-pan,

“Are you kibitzing about Sarah Palin?”

“Yes,” she shouted gleefully in response.

“See, you didn’t even have to reveal her name and I knew who you were talking about.”

All the shoppers within earshot roared!

Short funny jokes-Popcorn with fingers

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Animal jokes-Big bad wolf

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big, bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you knock it off, I'm trying to answer nature's call!"