Funny jokes-Immigrants

Two immigrants meet on the street.. "How's by you?" asks one.
"Could be worse. And you?"
"Surviving. But I have been sick a lot this year and it's costing me a fortune. In the past five months, I've spent over $10,000 on doctors and medicine."
"Ach, back home on that kind of money, you could be sick for five years."

Funny jokes-Most important words

At a wedding, the D.J. polled the guests to see who had been married the longest.
The winners were then asked, "What advice do you have for the newlyweds?"
The wife quickly responded, "The three most important words in a marriage are 'You're probably right'." Everyone then looked at the husband.
He said, "Yeah, she's probably right!"

Clean jokes-How long

A drunken Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork.
"About two hours," says the conductor.
"Okay," says the drunkard, "then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick?"
The irate conductor says to the drunk "It's still about two hours, laddie. Why'd ya think there'd be a difference?"
"Well," says the drunk, "it's only a week between Christmas and New Year's, but it's a helluva long time between New Year's and Christmas!"

Really funny jokes-Camp for better understanding

A group of young women decided to arrange for a camp with their mothers-in-law to hopefully get to know and understand each other better seeing relations between them were very sour.
Two buses were hired, one for the mothers-in-law and the other for the daughters-in-law.
Unfortunately the bus with the mothers-in-law was involved in an accident and all the passengers died on the spot.
The daughters in law (women being women) shed a few tears but they were all puzzled by one sister who wailed uncontrollably for what they perceived to be her loss.
Her friend asked her, "Forgive me for asking but why are you crying so hard, I didn't realize you were so close to your mother-in-law? "
To which she replied, "No we are not close at all, she missed the bus!"

Short funny jokes-Bottom of the ocean

Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.

Hilarious short jokes-Rabies

My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper.
I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will.
He said, "Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

Really funny jokes-Visit to Doctor's office

Shaheen walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room.
While he is waiting his turn to be seen, a casual acquaintance walks in and sits down next to him.
The newcomer asks "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here Shaheen ?"
Shaheen replies, " I am waiting to see the doctor."
"W wwhy dd do yyy you wwant to sss see hhim?"
Shaheen replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem.
" A pp prostate ppp problem, wwhat's ttthat ?"
"Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk."