Light bulb jokes-Therapists

Q: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but first she'll have it give a detailed description of its childhood, and tell her the first thought comes to mind when it hears the words: monkeyblabingooglep lex, and antidisestablishmen tarniasm.

Really funny jokes-I know everyone

Patel was bragging to his boss one day,' You know, I know everyone there is to know.. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Patel how about Tom Cruise?' 'Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.' So Patel and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, 'Patel! Great to see you!'
You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!' Although impressed, Patel's boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Patel that he thinks Patel's knowing Cruise was just lucky. 'No, no, just name anyone else,’ Patel says.
'President Clinton,' his boss quickly retorts.
'Yes,' Patel says, 'I know him, let's fly out to Washington.' And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Patel on the tour and motions
him and his boss over, saying, 'Patel , what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up.'
Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Patel who again implores him to name anyone else.
'The Pope,' his boss replies. 'Sure!' says Patel. 'My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time.'
So off they fly to Rome...Patel and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Patel says ,'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.' And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Patel emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Patel returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Patel asks him, 'What happened?'
His boss looks up and says, 'I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, who's that on the balcony with Patel ?

Quality jokes-Transplants

The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."
"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants. "
"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized. "

Funny farm jokes-Amazing talking cow

A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.
Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.
"Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes, yes," the man replied.
"Oh! I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She doesn't know a thing about cars."

Really funny jokes-Eyes water

A school teacher asks her class 'What vegetable makes your eyes water?'
Little Johnny replies ' a turnip miss'.
'No Johnny' says the teacher, 'I believe you are thinking of an onion, aren't you?'
'No miss' Says Johnny, 'Have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?'

Really funny jokes-Sinking ship

Left on a sinking ship were the Captain and three sailors. The Captain spoke first.
"Men, this business about a Captain going down with this ship is nonsense. There's a three-man life raft on board and I'm going to be on it. To see who will come with me, I will ask you each
one question. The one who can't answer will stay behind. Here's the first question :
What unsinkable ship went down when it hit an iceberg ?"
The first sailor answered, "The Titanic,Sir."
"On to the next question: How many people perished?"
The second sailor said, "One thousand five hundred and seventeen, Sir"
"Now for the third question," and the Captain turned to sailor number three.
"What were their names?"

Short funny jokes-Whiter

Michael Jackson’s death has now been ruled a suicide.
Apparently doctors told him that the only way he could get whiter is if he died.