Teacher jokes -Student asleep

An English professor was reading Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that one of his students had fallen asleep. The professor was annoyed enough to send the book spinning through the air and bounce it off the sleeper's skull. Startled awake, the student asked what had hit him.
"That, "said the professor, "was a flying Chaucer."

Really funny jokes-From the backwoods

They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning. " "But, madam!", replied the bellman. "Don't
"But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"

This is the fact about marriages!!

Love Stages :-)

The L Word:
6 weeks: I love U, I love U, I love U
6 months: Of course I love U
6 years: GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks: Honey, I'm home
6 months: BACK!!
6 years: What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks: Honey, I really hope you liked the ring
6 months: I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living Room
6 years: Here's the money. Buy yourself something

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone
6 months: Here, for you
6 years: PHONE RINGING

Cooking:
6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years: AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks: Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you
6 months: Watch out! Don't do it again
6 years: What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks: Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress
6 months: You bought a new dress again???
6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks: How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months: What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years: Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

TV:
6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months: I like this movie
6 years: I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to Bed,
I can stay up by myself !!

Really funny jokes-Speed

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a 'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is another galloping horse.
Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you .
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
* Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *

Short funny jokes-Canada

* Why did the Canadian cross the road?
- He saw some American do it on TV.

* How do you spell Canada?
- C-EH
N-EH D-EH

Really funny jokes-Bus fare

A drunk gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop.
He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus.
Still the drunk man is fumbling in his pocket for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus once again. Next stop, the same thing happens.
In fact, every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back.
A few stops later, the drunk starts to exit the bus from the front.
"Hey," shouts the bus driver.... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"
The drunk, still reeling, shouts back,
"Why should I?!. . . I walked all the way!"

SMS jokes-Cat with no legs

Q: What do you call a cat with no arms and no legs?
A: Dog food.