Short funny jokes-Served on Titanic

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

And what kind of lettuce?
Iceberg.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Good jokes-Prisoner's letter to wife

A prisoner in jail received a letter from his wife:
"I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:
"Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You won't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter:
"Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables.

Really funny jokes-Making it to the Olympics

A Scotsman, an Englishman, and an Irishman arrived in Sydney too late to buy tickets for the 2000 Olympics. Even the scalpers had nothing to offer.
The three were outside the main stadium and the cheers of the crowd were loud in their ears and every so often the tune of a national anthem would blare out as some athletic event was won.
"Well, we've come this far, laddies," said the Scot. "I'm not going to be beaten." So saying, he looked around for inspiration and suddenly his eyes lit up. He ran to the car park fenced off with barbed wire held in place with long wooden stakes. He uprooted a stake, then stripped down to his singlet and underpants.
His companions watched as, with stake clasped firmly in both hands, he jogged to the competitors' entrance. They heard him say: "McFaddon, pole vault competitor", and watched amazed as he was admitted to the arena.
Inspired, the Englishman looked about; his eyes, lighted on the nearby cars. Without hesitation, he too stripped to his underwear, grabbed a hub cap from a nearby Holden and, jogging to the entrance, announced himself: "Lincoln, I'm expected for the discus event". He too was admitted.
"Sure now," muttered the Irishman, "three can play at that game". So saying, he stripped to his underpants....
But the gateman was not deceived. This figure before him, wrapped in barbed wire and dripping blood from the many small cuts it made was not "O'Leary, for the fencing".

Abo jokes-Court case

A man was bumping over an excuse for a road in his four-wheel-drive, way out past the Black Stump, when he saw an Abo carrying two sheets of corrugated iron and a carton of stubbies.

He stopped to give him a lift, and the Abo chucked the two sheets of corrugated iron and the carton of stubbies in the back of the ute and hopped in beside the driver.

"What the hell are you doing, wandering around the outback with two sheets of corrugated iron and a carton of stubbies?" the driver asked.

"The wife kicked me out," the Abo explained. "We had a court case. She got the kids, and I got the house and contents."

Office jokes-Definitions of Designations:

Definitions of Designations:

* Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

* Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

* Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

* Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

* Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

* Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

* Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

* Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

* Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

* HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!

* HSE – Head …thinks a woman must wear a helmet to deliver a Healthy baby Safely·

* Commercial – Head : - Woman must produce three quotation ( only from ISO certified males) otherwise not baby is not acceptable ·

* Finance Head : Whether Woman delivers a baby or Donkey …Budget & Cash flow must be approved (doesn’t matter when i.e one month / nine months / 18months)

Hilarious jokes-Advice for newlyweds

At a wedding, the D.J. polled the guests to see who had been married the longest.

The winners were then asked, "What advice do you have for the newlyweds?"

The wife quickly responded, "The three most important words in a marriage are 'You're probably right'." Everyone then looked at the husband.

He said, "Yeah, she's probably right!"

Short adult jokes | Out of town

A man takes a girl in his car and stops seven miles out of town, and says he wants to make love to her. She refuses, and walks back. The second night he takes her twelve miles out of town and tells her he really wants to make love to her. She still refuses and walks back. The third night he takes her thirty miles away and lo and behold, she gives in. Afterward, he asks her why she finally gave in. She shrugged and said I'll walk seven miles, even twelve miles, to save a friend of mine from a case of herpes but thirty miles NO WAY !!!!

Really funny jokes-Blood sample from finger

A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken.
The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She can't find one so she looks innocently at the guy, takes his finger and sucks it.
The guy is so pleased he asks; "Do you think I could have a urine test done?"

Good jokes-Monastery of Silence

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.
The Priest said, 'Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so. '

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, 'Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.'

Sister Mary Katherine said, 'Hard bed.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' the Priest said, 'We will get you a better bed.'

After another 5 years, she was summoned by the Priest.

'You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.'

'Cold food,' said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office. 'You may say two words today.'

'I quit,' said Sister Mary Katherine.

'It's probably best,' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but whine since you got here.'

Short funny jokes - Doctor and patient

Patient: May I have a glass of water, doctor. Doctor: Are you thirsty?
Patient: No... I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks.

Doctor jokes - Test

Doctor: Mr. Krish, you look exhausted. Krish: I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.

Really funny jokes-You Know You're Getting Older (Part 3)

- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
- You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
- You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.
- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
- You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.
- Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are.
- Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.
- You're suffering from alzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.
- Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Clean jokes-Mental deficiency

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history..'

Adult jokes - Much to say

Paul picked this woman up in a nightclub and took her home. While they were walking home he didn't say a thing.
"You're not the communicative type, are you?" she said as they were undressing.

"Nah," Paul replied and pulled out his old fella. "I do all my talking with this."

"Damn," said the girl as she leaned forward to look. "You don't have much to say, do you?"

Funny jokes-Chicken met James Bond

A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond,

'What's your name?' asked the chicken,

'Bond, James Bond. What's yours?'

'Ken, Chick Ken.'

Yo mama jokes-So huge

* Yo mama's nostrils are so huge she makes Patrick Ewing jealous.
* Yo mama lost at Hide N' Seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas.
* Yo mama's so hunchbacked, she has to look up to tie her shoes.
* Yo mama fell down on the sidewalk and by the time she got back up she made $1.50.
*Yo mama's cookin' is so bad, even the roaches say "Naw man, I ate before I came over."

Adult jokes - Putting body parts to sleep

"Doc, I can't sleep anymore," the man complained. "I've tried everything, but I just toss and turn.""You have to learn to relax," the doctor said. "Try putting each part of your body to sleep separately." That night the guy crawled into bed, got comfortable and started to talk to his body."Toes, go to sleep," he whispered."Feet, go to sleep. Legs, go to sleep. Hips, go to sleep. Stomach, go to sleep" Just then, his wife walked in wearing a transparent teddy. Her husband opened one eye, then lifted his head from the pillow. "OK," he shouted, "up, up...everybody up!"

Really funny jokes-Murphy's laws of flying

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the normal delay in order to make it on time.

2. If you ARE running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it will inevitably be delayed.

4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.

6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.

9. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.

10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

Hilarious jokes-Couple in the cab

The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.

The driver wasn't too sure how to get there, so told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination.

Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat.
During the couple's moment of passion, the cab driver noticed a fork in the road, and said,
"I take the next turn, right?"

"No way, get your own," said the groom, "this one's all mine!"

Good jokes-There is somebody under my bed

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the psychiatrist. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,' I said.

Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.

'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV.

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed - ain't nobody under there now! '

Blonde jokes-Inneundo

Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?

A: An Italian suppository.

Funny jokes-For the Ladies

One night Scott was getting very drunk in a pub.

He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his wanker out as he went in the door.

However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can.

"This is for ladies!" she screamed!!

Scott waved his wanker at her and said, "So is this!"

Office jokes-Excuses for being late to work

Ten Excuses Why You Were Late To Work
1. I dreamed that I was fired, so I didn't bother to get out of bed.
2. I had to take my cat to the dentist.
3. I went all the way to the office and realized I was still in my pajamas and had to go home to change.
4. I saw that you weren't in the office, so I went out looking for you.
5. I couldn't find the right tie, so I had to wait for the stores to open so I could buy one.
6. My son tried to flush our ferret down the toilet and I needed to tend to the ferret.
7. I ran over a goat.
8. I stopped for a bagel sandwich, the store was robbed and the police required everyone to stay for questioning.
9. A bee flew in my car and attacked me and I had to pull over.
10. I wet my pants and went home to change.

Short funny jokes-Queer's favorite dish

Q. What's a queer's favorite dish in a Chinese restaurant?

A. Cream of Sum Yung Guy.

Clean jokes funny-Nose ring attached to earring

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!"

I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned....

They Walk Among Us !

Adult jokes - Apartment for rent

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
'Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that:
#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check f or $250 with the following note:
'Dear Sir:
#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady...

Adult jokes - The knob

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.

Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.' Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.' 

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your assets.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'

Short hilarious jokes-Politicians and pornstars

Question. What do politicians and pornstars have in common?

Answer. They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera!

Really funny jokes-Only in America

1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."

Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"

Short adult jokes - Seamen

What is long, hard and has lots of seamen in it?
.
.
.
.
.
.
A submarine

Funny jokes-You know you're getting Older (Part 2)

You know you're getting older when .....

- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- Happy hour is a nap.
- When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.
- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
- It takes twice as long to look half as good.

Animal jokes-Talking dog

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruth!"

Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"

Adult jokes-The Cock And Hens

The priest in a small village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning. During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up."No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up."No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up."No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

Really funny jokes-Two ladies talking in Heaven

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.

What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack... I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer..we'd both still be alive.

Funy video jokes - Practical joke

Funny jokes-You Know You're Getting Older (Part 1)

You know you're getting older

- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
- When a hot babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
- Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
- Your back goes out, but you stay home.

Short hilarious jokes-Lifesaving tool

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the car trunk!

Adult jokes - Yard work

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill!" She ignores the remark.Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm going to fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

Really funny jokes-Lost luggage

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.

The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.

'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'....
(I work with professionals like this.)

Clean jokes-Looks of your wife

After completing his examination, the doctor took her husband aside. "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither, Doc." Said the husband. "But she’s a good cook and the kids seem to like her."

Funny jokes-Who is Jack Schitt?

Who is Jack Schitt?

The Lineage Revealed.

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt,
The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt,
Fulla Schitt,
Giva Schitt and
Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced.
Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previousname. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse.
Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.

Short adult jokes - Men

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their
Life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman...... Why?

Because ...

Home sweet home !

Really funny jokes-Responses to pick up lines

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you.....to leave.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die
laughing.

Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Short hilarious jokes-Dead bird

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....
'Look at that dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

They walk among us!

Short funny jokes - Man Woman

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Adult jokes - Donation

A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.Man: 'What are you doing here today?'Woman: 'Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me 200 bucks for it.'Man: 'Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me 1000 bucks.'The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.Man: 'Hi there! Here to donate blood again?'Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) 'Unh unh.'

Really funny jokes-Cut the pizza

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.

He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'

Funny jokes-Ten laws of computing

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you'd least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.

7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.

8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

9. A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

Blonde jokes-Sunburn

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard a blonde girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.

She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.