Green vegetables

Sandy said to his friend Ron, 'My wife sent me to the greengrocer's to buy some green vegetables."

'So were you able to find some?" asked Ron.

'Well, when I reached the shop, I asked the manager, 'My wife wants some green vegetables. Have they been sprayed with any harmful chemicals?''

Sandy continued, 'The shopkeeper told me, 'No, why don't you do it yourself.'

Really funny jokes-Hunting Statisticians

There were three statisticians who went out for hunting together. They saw a deer and immediately the first statistician fired, but missed, by an inch to the left. The second statistician fired, and he too missed, by an inch to the right. The third statistician did not fire, but declared enthusiastically, "On an average, we made it!"

Statistics joke-One in a million

My statistical view of the Chinese is that even if you are someone who is a one in a billion, there will still be a million more just like you.

Puns-Not of concern

Are things that do not concern an elephant irrelephant?

Hilarious jokes-Things not to say to a cop

Top 10 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.