Good jokes-Satisfying the wife

If you work late hours in office, the wife will say you don’t have time for her.
If you come home early or even in time, the wife will say you don’t have any work in office.

If you have headache at bed time, you don’t love your wife anymore.
If your wife suffers the same problem, she is over worked and tired.

If you are regular at gym, she will say ‘look at your age’ - why bother anymore?
If you don’t go to gym, she will say ‘look at your paunch’ why don’t you take care of yourself?

If you present her with a rose, she will say ‘why this buttering’?
If you don’t, she will say ‘you are not romantic anymore.”

If you suggest a restaurant, she will prefer a movie and vice versa.
If you suggest a movie, she will want to go to a restaurant.

WISDOM: It is not possible to satisfy your wife, leave her alone.

Hilarious jokes-Wife'a accounting

Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy's checkbook, Mike made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape.

The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I've done it! I made it balance!"

Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. "Let's see... mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615. What the heck is that?"

"Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!"

Funny jokes-You might be a cop if

You Might Be a Cop if...

people shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room.

your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.

you disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.

you believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

you believe prozac should be added regularly to the water system.

when you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.

you want to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide - getting it right the first time."

you call for a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly toward you.

you believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow over 150.

you walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize a co-worker and shout, "They've come to get you...".

Nurse jokes-Hazardous

A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital.
"This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well."

Funny jokes-Boat for sale

Sven couldn’t pronounce ‘th’. One day he displayed an old car and a bicycle in his compound, stood near the gate and started to shout: “Boat for sale…….. Listen everyone…….. Boat for sale……”

Sven’s neighbor asked: “Hey Sven, where the hell is your boat? I can see only your car and your bicycle.”

Sven: “Yes, they boat are for sale.”