Really funny jokes-Fungal taxonomist

A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.

The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.

The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.

The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been through Hell, Welcome to Heaven."

Good jokes-Questionable morals

You may have heard the following story with Bernard Shaw but you might not have noticed its relevance to insurance.

In a party, Shaw asked a dazzling lady:

'Madam, I'm quite enchanted by your beauty. Would you be willing to spend one night with me if I offered one million dollars?'

After some initial hesitation the lady admitted that she couldn't resist the offer.

Then Shaw asked, 'How about one hundred dollar'?

The lady got very upset. 'What do you think about me?', she yelled. 'Do I look like as someone with so questionable morals?'

'Lady,' Mr. Shaw answered, 'I think, we have agreed upon that, and the only thing to clarify now is the price.'

Bagpiper joke-Gentleman

What's the definition of a gentleman?

Someone that can play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Funny jokes-Things you don't want to see at the ATM

Things you would NOT want to see happen at the ATM

- You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card.

- You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.

- You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.

- You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.

- You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.

- You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."

Short funny jokes-Famous French skeleton

Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton?

A: Napoleon bone-apart.