Funny jokes-The new iPad

The new iPad went on sale this week. The picture's so fantastic, you can see with amazing clarity just how obsolete the iPad you got for Christmas is.

Really funny jokes-Carlson's acquittal

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

"Your honour," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine."

"Why?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?"

"Well, your honour," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."

Celebrity jokes-50 cent

Q: What did Tony yayo say when 50 Cent got a new sweater?
A: G-U-NIT.

Q: Why couldn't G-Unit get on the bus?
A: Because they didn't have 50.

Short funny jokes-No class

What do you do if a bird craps on your car?

Dump her immediately she must have no class!

Funny jokes-Watermelons

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two".