Animal jokes-Dogs and Cats

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... I must be a god!

Insurance agents joke-Light bulb

How many insurance agents does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends on whether the light bulb burned alone or with the whole house.

Short funny jokes-Bagpipers

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

To get away from the noise.

Funny jokes-Union House

Attending a union convention in Las Vegas a union lighting man decides to visit a bordello. He goes into the first place, the ladies are lovely, and he asks the Madam, "Is this a union establishment?"

"Why, no, it isn't," the Madam replies.

"Well," the Union Man asks, "what percentage of the take goes to the girl?"

"We split the money, 20 percent to the girl and 80 percent to the house."

Feeling that wasn't a fair split the man left and went to another establishment. Again he asked the same questions and received a similar response. Although not a union house the split rate at this one was 30 percent to the girl and 70 percent to the house.

He continued his trek for some time until, finally, he came upon a Union House. "That's wonderful," he says to the Madam, "and what's the split?"

"We give 80 percent to the girl and keep just 20 percent for the house."

The Man is overjoyed. "Fantastic," he says, finally satisfied. Immediately he spots an attractive young blonde and indicates her to the Madam. "I'd like to have her please," he declares.

"Oh, I'm sure you would," the Madam replies, but she instead redirects him to an aging, overweight woman in the corner, "But I'm afraid Ethel here has seniority."

Celebrity jokes-Trampoline

Q: Why should you watch the morning show "View" with Barbara Walters and Elizabeth Hasselbeck?

A: Tom Cruise is going to be a guest. Instead of the couch, Tom is going to use her stomach as a trampoline!