Humor jokes-The maid

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50,000?"
The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"
The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot her and the jerk she's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."
A long pause and the man asks, "Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?"

Sardar Jokes

Enjoy 13 short sardar jokes !

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing
is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!

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Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn’t u exchange?
Sardar: Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..

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A Sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss.
Do you know what the business was?
He opened a Hair Cutting Saloon in Punjab!

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Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again had twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same! Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!

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19 SARDARS WENT for A FILM.ON ASKING THEM WHY THEY CAME IN A BIG
GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR PEOPLE ABOVE 18…

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Sardar standing below a tube light with an open
mouth…………….. WHY?
Because his doctor advised him “Tonight’s dinner should be light”

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Sardar was filling up application form for a job. He was not
sure as to what to be filled in column “Salary Expected”.
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

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SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF -
I SARDAR, SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY!

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One Sardar professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking…

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Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it….

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What does a Sardar do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

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WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.

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A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce. Judge
asked:
How’ll U divide, U”VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We’ll apply NEXT YEAR

Really funny jokes-Tit for Tat

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.
After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, "Er... Excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice : " NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.
The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. THATS TOO MUCH !"

Humor jokes-Warm beer

A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.
Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.
The bartender is pissed and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.
The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $3 dollar bill.
The bartender thinks: "okay, business is business " and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.
Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note.
The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says: " there is your damn change!"
The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says: "Gimme another beer! "

Honesty is still the best policy

Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over India, about their values of life.
He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return , they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well.
He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably.
Everyone did what was told to him. A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene. Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself!
The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!
The general manager declared him the winner!
Everyone was shocked. It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seeds. You planted them and nothing happened! You acted smartly and used some other seeds.
This man was honest to his work and, therefore he did not cheat me or himself!"

School joke- Bubble in the bath

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her introduction, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.She said, "Let's start with the boys first".The boys start giving their introductionFirst boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next" .Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next" .Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next".This continues, and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach immature boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please" ..First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds".Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next".Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes" ..Teacher "Now thats like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you...".The most beautiful girl in the class: "M' am, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day".

Humor jokes-Jury duty

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honour," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, I
could not possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied,

"Get back in the jury box.
That man is his lawyer."

Really funny joke

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.

Then, finally, she says, "You."

Really funny jokes-The test

A wealthy old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her Sons-in-law.
One day she was walking along a lakeshore with the first son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.
The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.
The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!"
Another day she was walking along a lakeshore with the second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.
The second son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.
The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!"
The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy didn't respond to her cries for help and didn't move a single step to save her.
The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.

The next day he found a brand new Rolls-Royce in his doorsteps with the following wordings ...
"Thank you very much! Your Father-in-law! !!"

Humor jokes-Who needs prayers ?

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem . I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.

My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male alking Parrots, and the female parrots say, " Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, " Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"

Short funny jokes

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and
wife."

Humor jokes

A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit.
Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst.
So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars.
The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed.
"If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!"
Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client.
The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?",
The partner asked. " But I did send them,"
Replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the complainant's lawyer's business card !"

Really funny jokes--Sniffer

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and the dog is a "sniffing dog". His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says: That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I 'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."

"Say, that's pretty neat" replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I m making a note of his seat number for the police."

"I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while,sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man is really grossed out by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent,
"What's going on?"

The agent nervously replied,
"He just found a bomb!"

Really funny jokes-Child's play

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, " Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"