Beer joke-Technique to sell twice

Andre staggers into the bar, completely sloshed. He asks the bar attendant for a beer and says to him, "I can share a technique with you which will help you sell twice the amount of beer."

The bar attendant asks, "Wow, what is it?"

Andre replies, "Nothing complicated. You simply have to pour full glasses."

Judge joke-Odd figure

The Judge charged Peter with rape and pronounced in the court, "You are to undergo ten years of rigorous imprisonment and you are charged with a fine of 10608 dollars."

Peter asked, "I did not understand the odd figure of 10608 dollars."

The Judge replied, "10000 dollars for rape, 4% for local taxes and 2% entertainment tax."

Sardar joke-How to enjoy a banana

Sardar Santa Singh was eating a banana without peeling it. His friend Surinder commented, "Why don't you peel it first?"

To this, Sardar Santa Singh replied, "Why the need to peel? I already know there is a banana inside."

All kinds

Tom says to his wife, "What kind of food have you cooked? This tastes like sh*t!"

Sandra mutters to herself, "Oh God, this man has tasted everything in life."

Funny joke-Finally at rest

Rebecca, who had 9 children from her marriage to Dan, decided to remarry when Dan died. So she married Bosco and had 8 more children.

When Bosco died, Rebecca decided to marry one more time and had 6 more children from her marriage to John.

One day, Rebecca passes away. At the funeral, Father Gomes prayed for her and said, "Thank you Almighty, for they are finally together."

One of the mourners asked another, "Does Father Gomes mean Dan, Bosco or John?"

The other mourner replies, "I think he is referring to her legs."

Barber joke-New salon

Jose had a haircut at a new salon that had opened in the neighborhood. When he stepped out, he met his friend Pedro. Pedro asked him, "How is this new joint?"

Jose replied, "Well, the haircut was okay but I did not appreciate the 4-letter word that the barber kept repeating during the haircut."

Pedro, now intrigued, asked, "What was that?"

Jose replied, "DARN!"

Circus jokes-Performance without clothes

Carla said to her husband, "Rick, let's go to see the circus."

Rick dismissed her immediately by saying, "No, I am busy."

Carla insisted, "C'mon, do you know they have a girl in the circus who rides a lion without clothes!"

Hearing this, Rick agrees and says, "You are very persistent. Okay, let's go, it's been a long time since I have seen a lion."

Rick bought the most expensive seats in the first row. The lion arrived on stage and did some antics but the girl without the clothes was not to be seen anywhere.

After the show, Rick asked Carla, "What happened to the girl you mentioned who would perform without clothes?"

Carla glared at him and replied, "I had said that the lion will appear without clothes!"

Online joke-Nuptial services

I was wondering if Amazon would be interested in starting nuptial services. I have no doubt that they will become the Numero Uno online portal in the world given that they have a one month return policy. No questions asked!

SMS joke-Sophisticated

Women have become much more sophisticated in the way they kill each other. Gone are the days when guns and knives were used to draw blood. These days, simple techniques like posting the latest holiday pics on FB and Whatsapp goes a long way!

Knock Knock joke-Forty

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Forty.

Forty who?

Forty please meet me at Martin's restaurant

An announcement

My Spanish friend David bought tickets to the European Football League match between FC Barcelona and Real Madrid to be played next Sunday 3rd July. You know how he got himself in a mess? He completely forgot that he is to get married on Sunday. Well, he had purchased the tickets a couple of days before finalizing the Wedding Day.

Now that there is no way the dates can be changed and considering it is the most significant event of his life, David would like to know if anybody is interested in tying the knot.

Birthday joke-Red Ferrari

Julie demands from her boyfriend Kevin, "Where is my birthday gift?"

Kevin replies, "Do you see the red Ferrari parked on the other side of the street?"

Julie starts screaming and jumping with joy.

"Hold on a minute", says Kevin, "I got you a lipstick of exactly the same colour!"

Knock Knock joke-Caller

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Caller.
Caller who?
Caller on her cellphone.

Wife joke-Remember you

After a big argument with her husband Rajesh, Mira left their home and went to her parents' place.

Rajesh called her after a week and asked, "Darling, how are you doing?"

Mira said, "You are calling after a whole week. Why didn't you call earlier?"

Rajesh replied,"I was very busy."

Mira said, "Really? Then why have you called now?"

Rajesh replied, "I could not sleep last night. There were many mosquitoes in the room sucking my blood. So I remembered you."