Circus jokes-Performance without clothes

Carla said to her husband, "Rick, let's go to see the circus."

Rick dismissed her immediately by saying, "No, I am busy."

Carla insisted, "C'mon, do you know they have a girl in the circus who rides a lion without clothes!"

Hearing this, Rick agrees and says, "You are very persistent. Okay, let's go, it's been a long time since I have seen a lion."

Rick bought the most expensive seats in the first row. The lion arrived on stage and did some antics but the girl without the clothes was not to be seen anywhere.

After the show, Rick asked Carla, "What happened to the girl you mentioned who would perform without clothes?"

Carla glared at him and replied, "I had said that the lion will appear without clothes!"

Online joke-Nuptial services

I was wondering if Amazon would be interested in starting nuptial services. I have no doubt that they will become the Numero Uno online portal in the world given that they have a one month return policy. No questions asked!

SMS joke-Sophisticated

Women have become much more sophisticated in the way they kill each other. Gone are the days when guns and knives were used to draw blood. These days, simple techniques like posting the latest holiday pics on FB and Whatsapp goes a long way!

Knock Knock joke-Forty

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Forty.

Forty who?

Forty please meet me at Martin's restaurant

An announcement

My Spanish friend David bought tickets to the European Football League match between FC Barcelona and Real Madrid to be played next Sunday 3rd July. You know how he got himself in a mess? He completely forgot that he is to get married on Sunday. Well, he had purchased the tickets a couple of days before finalizing the Wedding Day.

Now that there is no way the dates can be changed and considering it is the most significant event of his life, David would like to know if anybody is interested in tying the knot.

Birthday joke-Red Ferrari

Julie demands from her boyfriend Kevin, "Where is my birthday gift?"

Kevin replies, "Do you see the red Ferrari parked on the other side of the street?"

Julie starts screaming and jumping with joy.

"Hold on a minute", says Kevin, "I got you a lipstick of exactly the same colour!"

Knock Knock joke-Caller

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Caller.
Caller who?
Caller on her cellphone.

Wife joke-Remember you

After a big argument with her husband Rajesh, Mira left their home and went to her parents' place.

Rajesh called her after a week and asked, "Darling, how are you doing?"

Mira said, "You are calling after a whole week. Why didn't you call earlier?"

Rajesh replied,"I was very busy."

Mira said, "Really? Then why have you called now?"

Rajesh replied, "I could not sleep last night. There were many mosquitoes in the room sucking my blood. So I remembered you."

Knock knock joke-Command

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Command.
Command who?
Command get me!

Funny joke-Missing

Tina said to her husband Rex, "What will you do if I go missing some day?"

Rex replied instantly, "I will give an ad in the papers."

Tine said, "And what will the ad read?"

Rex replied, "Finders keepers."

Couple joke-Poison

As all married couples fight, there was this huge argument between Harold and Gina. Harold decided to give her the silent treatment and stopped talking altogether.

On the third day, Gina got fed up and said to her husband, "If you don't talk till the count of 10, I will consume poison."

She started counting, "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8"

Harold was silent.

Gina said, "9!!"

Harold was still silent. 

 

Gina screamed, "Please say something!" and then she started sobbing.

Harold said, "Finish the counting."

Gina said with a smile, "Thank God you spoke, or else I would have really consumed the poison."

Facebook joke-Threat

Mrs. Berry, the maths teacher scolded little Peter and said, "Your grades are very poor. I need to talk to your Father. Please ask him to meet me in school tomorrow."

Little Peter, "And if I refuse to do so?"

Now angry, Mrs, Berry shouts, "I will upload your grades on FB and will tag your dad!"

Little Peter, not ready to give up so soon, said, "All right, then let me inform my Mom that you are on my Dad's friends list."

Anniversary joke-Memorable night

Bubba asked his wife, "It's our anniversary, my love. Tomorrow we complete 3 years of our marriage. Tell me sweetheart, in these 3 years, which night was the most memorable for you?"

Rosy replied, "The night you went out of town."

Doctor joke-Who is buying a car?

Dr. Jones had a difficult time convincing Peter that he needed to get operated for his appendix problem. Peter finally agreed and asked the doctor about the expenses involved in the operation.

Dr. Jones said, "Well, it will cost you around 10000 dollars."

Seeing the hesitation on Peter's face,  Dr. Jones said, "Listen I will make it easier for you. You can pay me an advance of 3000 dollars and give me the balance amount of 8000 dollars in small installments of 1000 dollars each month."

Peter said, "I feel like I am buying a car."

Dr. Jones nodded and said, "You are absolutely right - its not you but me who is buying a car."