Knock knock joke-Command

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Command.
Command who?
Command get me!

Funny joke-Missing

Tina said to her husband Rex, "What will you do if I go missing some day?"

Rex replied instantly, "I will give an ad in the papers."

Tine said, "And what will the ad read?"

Rex replied, "Finders keepers."

Couple joke-Poison

As all married couples fight, there was this huge argument between Harold and Gina. Harold decided to give her the silent treatment and stopped talking altogether.

On the third day, Gina got fed up and said to her husband, "If you don't talk till the count of 10, I will consume poison."

She started counting, "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8"

Harold was silent.

Gina said, "9!!"

Harold was still silent. 

 

Gina screamed, "Please say something!" and then she started sobbing.

Harold said, "Finish the counting."

Gina said with a smile, "Thank God you spoke, or else I would have really consumed the poison."

Facebook joke-Threat

Mrs. Berry, the maths teacher scolded little Peter and said, "Your grades are very poor. I need to talk to your Father. Please ask him to meet me in school tomorrow."

Little Peter, "And if I refuse to do so?"

Now angry, Mrs, Berry shouts, "I will upload your grades on FB and will tag your dad!"

Little Peter, not ready to give up so soon, said, "All right, then let me inform my Mom that you are on my Dad's friends list."

Anniversary joke-Memorable night

Bubba asked his wife, "It's our anniversary, my love. Tomorrow we complete 3 years of our marriage. Tell me sweetheart, in these 3 years, which night was the most memorable for you?"

Rosy replied, "The night you went out of town."

Doctor joke-Who is buying a car?

Dr. Jones had a difficult time convincing Peter that he needed to get operated for his appendix problem. Peter finally agreed and asked the doctor about the expenses involved in the operation.

Dr. Jones said, "Well, it will cost you around 10000 dollars."

Seeing the hesitation on Peter's face,  Dr. Jones said, "Listen I will make it easier for you. You can pay me an advance of 3000 dollars and give me the balance amount of 8000 dollars in small installments of 1000 dollars each month."

Peter said, "I feel like I am buying a car."

Dr. Jones nodded and said, "You are absolutely right - its not you but me who is buying a car."

Mother-in-law joke-Faulty product

Jose was so tired of his wife's constant nagging that he sent a mail to his Mother-in-law.

His mail read like this:
You product is a faulty piece. It has several technical faults which were not informed to me at the time of delivery. I demand that this faulty piece be taken back and I be given an exchange.

The Mother-in-law shot back a message to Jose:

• The product is no longer under Warranty
• There is no policy for refund or exchange
• It is in your hands to enhance the performance of the product
• The Rules & Regulations, of using the product were informed to you at the time of exchanging vows
• The Company no longer makes new products anyways
• You are thereby advised to "Handle with care" 

Santa joke-A plumber can save you!

When Santa Singh went to appear for his exams, he asked a plumber to accompany him.

Intrigued by the plumber's presence, a classmate asked him, "Why did you get a plumber with you?"

Santa Singh's answer made everyone laugh in the class, "Because I heard the paper has leaked."

Interview joke-Spelling

Fred was asked in an interview, "Spell out a word which has more than 15 letters in it."

Fred's reply was quick, "P-O-S-T-O-F-F-I-C-E-L-E-T-T-E-R-B-O-X"

Barber joke-A good time

I was at barber Eric's salon getting a haircut. I asked him casually, "When would be a good time to get my 3 year old boy for a haircut?"

Eric, who was not very fond of kids, replied promptly, "When he is five."

Sardar joke-Mango season

In a press conference during his visit to India, Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple Inc announced, "We would like to develop in India".

Sardar Santa Singh who was present at the conference commented, "But Sir, this is the season for Mangoes. You must visit again after July."

Wife joke-Tall promises

Bubba was making tall promises to his wife and trying to prove how much he loves her.

Bubba's wife says to him, "If you love me so much, go hunt a tiger for me. I want to decorate our living room with tiger's skin."

Bubba says to her, "Be reasonable darling. How do I hunt a tiger? Tell me something easier."

Bubba's wife says, "Okay, then show me your Whatsapp messages."

Bubba replies, "Do you want a regular striped tiger or a White one?"

After marriage

Rob says to Lisa, "Will you continue to love me just as much even after we get married?"

Lisa replies, "Even more darling! I just adore married men!"

Cheated!

Joseph says to his hostel roommate, "Alex, I have been cheated!"

Alex said, "Who cheated you? How?"

Joseph replied, "My own parents! I asked them to send me money for books, and guess what did they send me........books!!"


Source: www.reallyshortfunnyjokes.net