Restaurant jokes-Conversation

I was dining in a famous restaurant in town, and I overheard this conversation between two people at the next table.

First diner: "I don't like the chief of the Nakoda tribe!"

Second diner: "Ok then, just eat the vegetables."

Really funny jokes-Perfect fit

I was a salesman at one of the big departmental stores in Bombay. One day, a lady walked in and asked me to help her select a sky blue shirt that she wanted to gift her husband. When I asked her about the size, she seemed to be at a loss for a while, then suddenly she was cheerful, and holding up her arms, she formed a circle with her thumbs and forefingers.

"I am not sure about the size, but his neck fits perfectly between by hands!"

Adult jokes-Warm up

Kurt comes home from work and finds his wife Katy sliding down the banister.

Kurt says, "What the heck are you doing?"

Katy replies, "Warming up your dinner."

Broom story

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"

Smart thinking

Did you know that in the olden days the Swedes who used to drive on the left, later realized that this caused too many accidents with tourists used to the right, hence they decided to switch to driving on the right side, but because they were smart and thinking people, they decided to affect the switch gradually.

So they came to the conclusion that on the first of the next month all commercial vehicles like cabs and buses would start driving on the right and if all went well, all private vehicles like cars and two wheelers would switch to right the next day.

Really funny jokes-Laws of Auto Racing

Laws of Auto Racing

10) The number of times you get hit in a pileup is directly proportional to the number of times you said "I think it will go ok today".

9) You only get the lead when you need fuel.

8) If a tire can go on the wrong side, it will.

7) A part will never break during a test session, only during a race.

6) The driver behind you is always the one you punted last week.

5) The part you left at the shop is the one you need.

4) The number of laps remaining is always one more than the amount of fuel left in the car.

3) Your good car will get wrecked, your bad car will finish the race, two laps down.

2) The concrete wall is harder at the tracks you wreck at.

1) A 10-car pileup will never happen behind you!

Hilarious jokes-Learning Spanish

An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. He hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since the Englishman was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. They were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and said, “Mira el mosca!” The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity, replied, “No, senor, ‘la mosca’… es feminina.”

The Englishman looked at him, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens… you must have incredibly good eyesight.”

In the mirror

Joshina asks her husband Derek for money, so she can go and buy groceries from the local store.

She asks for 50 dollars but Derek tells her, "You out of your mind?". He then pulls her to the mirror, and says,"I'll show you something. This 50-dollar bill is mine and the one you see in the mirror is yours. Am I clear?"

Joshina says nothing and goes out. 

That evening, Derek finds the kitchen full of groceries. Angered, he demands from his wife where did it all come from. 

Joshina beckons him to the mirror & pulls her skirt up. She says, "The one in the mirror is yours. This one is for the grocer."

Short funny jokes-Kiss goodbye

There was this Swede whose name was Swenson. Swenson took his fat wife everywhere he went. You know why? That's because he wouldn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Look good!

Robert was shaving his beard when he finds his wife Laila walk into the bathroom and she starts shaving below her waist.

Robert says, "Appraisal meeting with top boss today for promotion. Need to look nice and clean."

Laila says from the other end of the bathroom, "Same here."

Dream

My grandson Jim found a penny in the grass and proudly displayed it to me.

"What good is it?" I said, "You cant buy anything with it."

"Yes you can," Jim replied promptly. "You can buy a dream in a wishing well."

The phases of a Project

I learnt at my workplace that every project goes through the following phases.

• Enthusiasm
• Disillusionment
• Panic
• Search for the guilty
• Punishment of the innocent
• Praise and honors for the non-participants.

Beautiful garden

A parson is congratulating a parishioner on his success at transforming an abandoned plot of land into a beautiful garden. ‘It’s wonderful what man can achieve with the help of the Almighty,’ says the parson. 

‘Yes,’ replies the parishioner. ‘Mind you, you should have seen the state it was in when He had it all to Himself.’

Really funny jokes-New sport

Tom: My wife suggested that I take up a new sport this summer.

Harry: Well, that's nice. It shows that she has your interests at heart. Did she make any suggestions?

Tom: As a matter of fact, she did. By the way, how do you play this Russian Roulette?