Animal jokes-Dogs and masters

Two dogs were discussing their lives and their masters in general. The first dog whose owner was a speaker in the House of Parliament said: “My master is a speaker of the House, responsible for maintaining discipline in the House. When I bark consistently, he keeps repeating "'Please….please….silence please.' It’s so funny."

The second dog said: “Your master at least speaks to you. Mine is an MP (Member of Parliament). He keeps barking like us dogs at every one including me. To add insult to injury, he has put a board on his gate ‘Beware of dog.’ Talk about his audacity.

Doctor jokes-Tooth trouble

Justin : “Doctor, there was decay in my upper tooth. You said a worm was eating it away. But you have pulled out my lower tooth. Why?”

Doctor : “You are right. Actually the worm was standing on your lower tooth and doing the job. Now it has no tooth to stand on.”

Short funny jokes-Homing pigeon

Guess how Dennis made his millions with just one domestic homing pigeon?

He sold the dove for a dollar and it kept coming home a million times!

Good jokes-Windy

I was traveling with my wife in Kanyakumari, India, one of the windiest places on Earth.  Braving our way through the crosswind, we made our way to the tollbooth where I asked a bespectacled attendant, "What do you guys do in Kanyakumari when the wind quits?"

Adjusting his rims, the guy answered, "We take the rocks out of our pockets."

Kids jokes-Words in the head

I was impressed by my nephew's vocabulary and said to him, "Joe, you are wonderful with words!"

Only five years old, my nephew responded, "I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."

The Clintons

Hillary Clinton says she and her family stay in touch by e-mailing a lot. 

Bill said, 'Yeah, that's why I'm always alone on the computer in my room, e-mailing my family.'''

Hilarious jokes-Baby Hair

Anita gave birth to a healthy baby boy. An old aunt who came to visit her, noticed that the baby had flaming red hair.

"I see that you have black hair", she said to Anita, "What color is the fathers' hair?".

"I have no idea", answered Anita, "He was wearing a hat".

Really funny jokes-American Pizza in Japan

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on pizza what you order: pepper only."

Definitely stupid

You are definitively stupid:

If you visit an ice cream parlor instead of a chemist when your girlfriend says she loves chocolate flavor.

Funny jokes-Too jealous to handle!

What could be the extent of your jealously?

I know of a woman who was so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hair on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

Kids jokes-Like Uncle

Announcing to my four year old son that his aunt just delivered a baby boy and it looked just like his uncle, he said, "You mean he has a mustache?"

Really funny jokes-Wanna see my underwear?

The blind date hadn't been all that great and Susan was relieved the evening was finally over.

At her apartment door, her date suddenly said, "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?"

Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear.

She took one look and said, "Nice design. Does it also come in men's sizes?"

Statistics jokes-Bikini

Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
- Aaron Levenstein

One line jokes-Genetics

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.