Short funny jokes-Franglais Phrases

Franglais (French and English) Phrases

Coup de grace - A lawn mower.
La deviation pour chauffeur de camion - My driver likes camels.

Moi aussi - I am an Australian.
Pas de deux? - Father of twins?
Mange tout - You're pretty mangy yourself.

Pain prune - I cut myself with the secateurs.
Chaussee deformer? - Are you a contortionist?

Parke le char - My tea is cold.
Suivez la piste - Never mind, follow that drunk!

You might be a Schoolteacher if

You might be a Schoolteacher if...

you have no time for a life from August to June.

you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!"

when out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

you refer to adults as "boys and girls."

you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a "good helper."

you've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.

meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

you believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.

you know hundred good reasons for being late.

you don't want children of your own because there isn't a name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.

One line jokes-When things go wrong

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.

Adult jokes-Impotency clinic

Q: Why does everyone want to work at the impotency clinic?

A: It's a soft job.

Funny jokes-Secret to good health

Brittany and Lisa were discussing their busy schedules.

Lisa said, "Brittany, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know what's your secret?"

"My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp."

"You wake up at six o'clock?"

"Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours."

Good jokes-Chemistry formula

Chemistry formula

Teacher : What happens when Carbon Monoxide reacts with 2 Molecules of Iron??

Student : COFFEE !!

Teacher : How ?

Student : CO + 2Fe = COFFEE !!

Clean jokes-Winning Knight Riders team

Q. What's the difference between a winning Kolkata Knight Riders team and a UFO?

A. Someone has seen a UFO.

Hilarious jokes-Two morons

Chris and Bob went fishing. The catch was impressive that day. Chris said: “Bob, mark X on the side of the boat so that we can spot the place tomorrow.”

Bob: “You crazy? Do you think you are going to get the same boat on hire tomorrow?”

Really funny jokes-Fighting fit

Two childhood friends were preparing themselves for physicals for induction in the US army. Both of them were unwilling to join the army but were helpless because of stringent US laws. Somebody suggested that if one didn’t have any teeth, they were rejected. They decided to give it a shot and got all their teeth removed.

There was a line of young aspirants when they arrived at the recruitment center. They both felt it would be unwise to stand in the queue next to each other. So one stood in the line and the other waited for the line to extend a bit when a bulky, young unwashed boy took the line. The other decided to stand next to the bulky boy.

When the first boy’s turn came, the doctor asked if he had anything to say regarding his health. The boy said he did not have any teeth. The doctor ordered the boy to open his mouth, ran his fingers around the kid’s gum and asked him to stand in the rejection queue.

The line progressed and ultimately it was the bulky boy’s turn. The doctor asked him: “Anything wrong with you?” The boy replied: “I have piles.”

The doctor asked the boy to undress. He then made the boy bend and spread. He inserted his finger inside, moved it around for a while as if to make sure, pulled back his finger and declared that the boy indeed had piles and announced him unfit.

The doctor declared "Next"

When the second toothless boy stepped up to the doctor, he was asked if he had anything to declare.

The boy shouted: “No sir, not a damn thing wrong with me. Give me that rifle and march me to the border.”

Short funny jokes-No evidence

Guess what the White House claims - that there is no evidence at all that earth has been visited by aliens.

Good lord, they can't even find aliens sneaking across the border.

Funny jokes-Superb answers to Why Aren't You Married Yet?

Superb answers to "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"

You haven't asked yet.

I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

Because I just love hearing this question.

Just lucky, I guess.

It gives my mother something to live for.

My fiance is awaiting his/her parole.

I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.

Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?

I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

It didn't seem worth a blood test.

I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.

I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

They just opened a great singles bar on my block.

I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

Why aren't you thin?

I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

(Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

Cricket joke-Pune Warriors fan

If you see a Pune Warriors fan on a motorcycle, why should you not swerve to hit him?

It could be your motorcycle.

Diet Plan

Tina : I am much at ease on the second day of my diet.

Rina : Is that becuase the body adapts to the diet plan by then?
 
Tina: No, it's because I would have given up by the next day.

Kids jokes-Ignore

Dad: “Son, a wise person never replies to a fool’s question, simply ignores it.”

Son: “Right dad, I went through the examination papers, ignored them and came out.”