Funny jokes-Superb answers to Why Aren't You Married Yet?

Superb answers to "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"

You haven't asked yet.

I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

Because I just love hearing this question.

Just lucky, I guess.

It gives my mother something to live for.

My fiance is awaiting his/her parole.

I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.

Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?

I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

It didn't seem worth a blood test.

I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.

I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

They just opened a great singles bar on my block.

I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

Why aren't you thin?

I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

(Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

Cricket joke-Pune Warriors fan

If you see a Pune Warriors fan on a motorcycle, why should you not swerve to hit him?

It could be your motorcycle.

Diet Plan

Tina : I am much at ease on the second day of my diet.

Rina : Is that becuase the body adapts to the diet plan by then?
 
Tina: No, it's because I would have given up by the next day.

Kids jokes-Ignore

Dad: “Son, a wise person never replies to a fool’s question, simply ignores it.”

Son: “Right dad, I went through the examination papers, ignored them and came out.”

Hilarious jokes-Speech disorder

Jeremy, a stud farm owner, is visited by a strange customer. It's a pygmy with a speech disorder who says he wants to buy a horse.

Jeremy asks the pygmy if he wants a male or female horse.

"A female horth," the pygmy replies.

So Jeremy shows him a female one.

"Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouth?"

So Jeremy picks up the pygmy and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nith mouth. Can I thee her eyesth?"

So Jeremy picks up the pygmy and shows the eyes.

"Ok, what about her earth?"

Now Jeremy is getting really irritated, but he picks up the pygmy one more time and shows the ears.

"OK, finally, I'd like to thee her twat."

With that, Jeremy picks up the pygmy and shoves his head up the horse's canal then pulls him out.

Shaking his head, the pygmy says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to thee her run!"

The most loved one

Guess who is the most loved one in their lives?

1. A Chinese man
There is a wife and a girlfriend in his life but he adores his wife the most.

2. An American man
There is a wife and a girlfriend in his life but he adores his girlfriend the most.

3. An Indian man
There is a wife and three girlfriends in his life but he adores his house-maid the most.

Funny jokes-New Year resolution

New Year resolution

2005: I will get my weight down below 180.
2006: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2007: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2008: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2009: I will work out 5 days a week.
2010: I will work out 3 days a week.
2011: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

Economy jokes-Back to Mexico

"The economy is still hurting. Thirty percent of Americans are so disillusioned, they are thinking of moving back to Mexico."
- Jay Leno

Really funny jokes-Henpecked Husbands

Henpecked Husbands

* He comes right out and says what she tells him to Think.

* She does not have to raise the roof, all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.

* He always has the last word - he says, "I'm sorry".

* He was a man about town; she has turned him into a mouse around the house.

* The last big decision she let him make was whether to wash or to dry.

* He was a dude before marriage - now he is Subdued.

* He goes to a woman dentist - it's a relief to be told to open his mouth instead of to shut it.

Short funny jokes-In labor

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A. So what’s your question?

Hilarious jokes-Ways to tell someone their fly is open

Ways to tell someone their fly is open.

11. I can see the gun of Navarone.

10. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

9. You've got Windows on your laptop.

8. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.

7. Your soldier aint so unknown now.

6. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

5. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

4. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

3. Dr. Kimble has escaped!

2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

1. I thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see your nuts.

One line jokes-Down under

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

Christmas jokes-Bald

What's your dad getting for Christmas?

Bald and fat.

Really funny jokes-Training for Women

Women think they already know everything, but wait… training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears – The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

20. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You've Worn Before