Really funny jokes-It's a Mad world

A man was driving in front of a mental hospital when he had a flat tire. While changing the rear punctured wheel, he lost all six nut bolts in the nearby drain by accident. The man was now stuck and didn’t know what to do. Just then a guy came out of the mental hospital and asked if he could help. The car owner noticed an identity card of the hospital around his neck with patient number printed on it. He still asked the patient if there was any garage around.

The patient said: “No, it is at least five miles from here. But I suggest you take out one bolt each from the rest of the three wheels, fit them on your rear wheel and drive slowly and carefully to the garage. You will find all you need there.”

The car owner was dumb-struck. He himself should have thought of this simple solution. He thanked the man and asked politely if he was really mad.

The patient replied: “Yes, of course I am mad, but I am no fool.”

Funny jokes-Surprised in Hell

My 10-year old son asked me, "There are so many people in the world. When they die, is Heaven is going to fill up?"

I replied, "No, that's most unlikely. The number of people who will actually go there is much smaller than those who think they'll go there. Hell is full of people who are incredibly surprised."

Clean jokes-Identity thief

Identity thief:

"I can't sit around here taking it easy.
I've got places to go and people to be!"

Really funny jokes-illegal to count

A Swedish tourist in New York was standing in front of the Empire State building, and started counting all the floors.

A policeman approached him and thought to himself: "This guy must be Swedish" and decided to take advantage of him. He went up to him and said: "Do you know that it is illegal to count the floors on buildings in the United States?"

The Swede replied: "No sir, I had no idea."

The police officer then said: "I'm afraid I'll have to charge you $10.00 per floor you counted."

The Swede then said: "Oh, I counted 50 floors, sir."

After the police officer left, the Swede thought to himself: "My, how these Americans are stupid! I told him that I had counted 50 floors when I had actually counted 51!"

Short funny jokes-Is it yours?

"Dad, I'm pregnant," declared the daughter.

"Hold on a second. Are you certain it's yours?" the Polish father responded.

Knock knock jokes-The interrupting cow

"Knock-knock."
"Who's there?"
"The interrupting cow."
"The interrupting cow wh-"
"MOOOO!"
"Very f-"
"MOOOO!"
"I get i-"
"MOOOO!"
"OK, that's get-"
"MOOOO!"
"Seriously, that's get-"
"MOOOO!"
"SHUT U-"
"MOOOO!"
"Go to-"
"MOOOO!"
"You're being a-"
"MOOOO!"

Really funny jokes-Switching the birthday gift

Mike bought a piano for Jane on her birthday. After a few days, Mike's friend inquired with him how Jane was doing with the piano.

"Well," said Mike, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

"Why is that?" asked the friend.

Mike answered, "that's because with a clarinet, she cannot sing."

Teacher jokes-Expand

One day, Little Tommy asked his Class teacher, "Teacher, why are the days longer in the summer?"

The teacher answered, "It's because of the heat. It makes everything expand."

Good jokes-Labor issues

One Afghan and one Indian labor minister, were in a meeting discussing labor issues.

The Afghan labor minister said; ”I am in eternally stressed. There are labor issues in my country that create hundreds of problems for me every day.”

The Indian;”That’s no problem at all. There are labor issues in my country that produce 60000 babies every day.”

Really funny jokes-The patch up job

Newly married Tina had committed a blunder in her husband’s absence. As soon as the man returned from work, she blurted; “Here I was ironing your finest suit and burnt this hole in the seat of your trousers.”

The husband, large hearted that he was, said; “I have another pair of trousers that matches that suit, so do not worry.”

Tina: ” Thank God for that, because I was able to patch up the hole using those trousers only.”

Hilarious jokes-Secret to a Happy Marriage

There is a secret to a Happy Marriage. You need to follow the below checklist:

Firstly, you need to find a woman who cooks and cleans

Secondly, you need to find a woman who earns well

Thirdly, you need to find a woman who enjoys great love making.

Finally, it is important that these three women should never meet.

One line jokes-Help others

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Really funny jokes-The winning machine

There was a sandwich machine in a Norwegian factory. Olaf didn't quite understand what the machine was about though. He went to the machine and put his money in the machine and got one sandwich. He was so excited, he put more of his money into the machine and received another sandwich. Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches.

Another worker was wondering what Olaf was doing:
"Olaf, don't you think you should stop now?"

"What the hell are you babbling about?! I am just starting to win big!"

Short funny jokes-Half job

A student went to a bookstore to buy a Maths book.

The shopkeeper told him, "This book will do half the job for you,"

The student replied "Great, I will buy two of those"