Animal jokes-Floor material

Tom: Do you know what is the floor of a dinosaur's home made of?

Jerry: Let me guess...Rep-Tiles

Hillbilly jokes-Smart son

Audrey-Anne, the hillbilly said to her friend, "You know, my boy's real smart!" He's only five but already spell his name backwards and forwards!"

"What's his name?" asked the friend.

Audrey-Anne replied ,"Bob."

Short funny jokes-Horrible witch

Bobby to Johnny: My dad saw a scary ghost and didn't turn a hair!

Johnny: Doesn't surprise me - your dad's bald!

Funny jokes-That's not it

A sergeant noticed that one of the privates was behaving oddly. The private would pick up any piece of paper he found, sulk and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the sergeant arranged to have the private psychologically tested.

The psychologist concluded that the private was mentally ill, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The private picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."

Office jokes-Get back on your feet

I went to a car dealership in my locality, and noticed they had found a creative way to warn customers who defaulted payments. Their sign said:

"The greatest way to get back on your feet - miss an installment payment."

Really funny jokes-Signs

Signs that indicate you should start looking for a new lawyer:

# He tells you that his last good case was a Stroh's beer.
# When the prosecutors notice who your lawyer is, they hug each other.
# He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
# He claims that he has never told a lie.
# A workplace has a sign saying "Don't ask me."
# You find a prison guard shaving your head.

Teacher jokes-Statue of Venus

Mrs. Katrina, the Arts teacher, addressed the class with a statue of Venus in her hands.
"What do you like best about this piece of art? Raise your hands."

Steven raised his hand and said, "The symmetry."

"Very good. And you, Justin?"

"Her assets!" says Justin

"Get out of the class, Justin and stand in the hall," responds Mrs. Katrina with loathing. "And you, Bubba?"

"I'm leaving, ma'am, I'm leaving..."

One line jokes-Opinion

When I want your suggestion, I will hammer it out of you.

Really funny jokes-A few wrinkles

Dara, now in her middle ages, had been considering coloring her hair. One day, while flipping through a fashion magazine, she saw an ad for a hair-coloring die featuring a pretty young model who was sporting a great hairstyle with a shade that Dara liked.

To get a second opinion, she asked her husband Jack, "How do you think this shade would look on a face with a few wrinkles?"

Jack took the magazine from her, crumpled the page with the ad, straightened it out and observed it again.

"Just great, darling."

Animal jokes-Penguin in Bar

A Galapagos penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the barkeep, "Have you seen my brother?"

The barkeep asks, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

Clean jokes-Broom

Tom: What did Papa broom say to the kid broom?

Jerry: It's time to go to sweep.

Really funny jokes-Fishing secret

Samuel Jones was a game warden who always had a watchful eye on all those who came to fish. He had noticed on quite a few occasions, that a redhead named Billy caught more fish than the others. While the others managed to catch three or four fish, Billy's boat was always full with a variety of fish. So one day, Samuel Jones asked Billy the secret of his success.

The redhead invited the game warden on his boat and asked him to observe for himself. Samuel Jones agreed and the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Billy's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Billy took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and flung it in the air. The explosion shook the lake with such power that several fish died and began to surface.

Billy threw a net into the water and began to scoop them up. Samuel Jones, open-mouthed, was too shocked to react. When he regained his composure, he began shouting at Billy, "Do you realize what you are doing?? You are so dead. You are going straight to jail and will rot there for the rest of your life!"

Billy, meanwhile, lit another stick of dynamite and tossed it in the lap of Samuel Jones and said coolly, "Are you going to sit there all day cribbing, or are you going to fish?"

Funny jokes-Cruise control

My brother and I own a car dealership in the north end of town. It was a busy Tuesday morning, when a large motor coach was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle badly needed repair and the whole thing looked like it was caught up in a hurricane. My brother asked the driver what had happened. The driver replied that he had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a cup of coffee!

We had to educate him about the difference between cruise control and auto-pilot!

Good jokes-Aftershave

Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?

No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.