Really funny jokes-Health problems

Suzie, a hooker, goes to her doctor for her quarterly checkup.

The doctor asked, "Is there any particular problem that you want to talk about?"

"Yes, I have noticed lately that even if I get a small cut, it seems to bleed for a very long time and the clotting is delayed," she replied. "Is there any chance that I have hemophilia?"

"Hmm," the doctor said, "Hemophilia is an inheritable disease, normally affecting only males but it is possible for women to transmit it to their male children. Tell me, how much you lose when you have your period?"

Suzie started making some mental calculations and replied, "About $1000 on an average."

Lawyer jokes-Location of right foot

Absolutely hilarious exchange of words in court

Lawyer: Please tell the court the location of your left foot immediately before the impact.

Defendant : Immediately before the impact, my left foot was located at the immediate end of my left leg.

Hilarious jokes-World famous painter

Remo, who was a painter of international repute, started losing his eyesight in the prime of his career. Naturally, he was very worried about the problem which would ultimately destroy his career, so he went to see Dr. Mehta, who was considered one of the best eye surgeons in the world.

Dr. Mehta put in his best efforts and after several days of delicate surgery and therapy, Remo's eyesight was restored. Remo was so overwhelmed and thankful, that he decided to show his appreciation by repainting the doctor's entire office.

Remo painted a massive eye on one of the walls of Dr. Mehta's office. After completing his work, the painter held a press conference to disclose his latest work of art: the doctor's office.

During the press conference, a reporter asked Dr. Mehta, "What were your first thoughts when you saw your newly painted office, particularly that large eye on the wall?"

The doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank Heavens I'm not a proctologist.'"

Funny jokes-LA Police woman

Reggie : Do you know about this LA police woman who works part-time as a stripper?

Archie: Well, I do hear about some people having double identities.

Reggie: You know this LA policewoman's t-shirt says,
"LAPD" on the front
and
"ANCE" on the back.

Equal partners

Overheard at the Maonyesho Saba Saba Fair in Tanzania, "If a husband claims that he and his wife are equal partners, then he is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge."

Really funny jokes-Pillsbury Doughboy's Obituary

Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 75. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects at his funeral, including Mrs Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies. Captain Crunch sent his apologies. The grave-site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy in the graveyard and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who did not realize how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very 'smart' cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, even as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Playa Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they have one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 2:50 for about 20 minutes.

Obituary kindly sent in by Johnny.

Funny jokes-Biblical epic star

When he was denied membership in an exclusive country club on account of being an actor, biblical epic star Victor John Mature retorted,

"Hell, I'm no actor, and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"

Animal jokes-Dog's favourite song

Q: What is a dog's loved song?

A: Ain't nuttin but a hound dog!!

(Pun for Elvis Presley's 1956 hit song)

Short funny jokes-Rough up

Bubba was arrested for killing a man with sandpaper.

In court, Bubba said in his defense : I never wanted to kill him, all I did was rough him up a bit.

Independence Day joke

Sunny : Do they have a 4th of July in England?

Tommy: Of course. How else do they get from the 3rd to the 5th?

Fourth of July joke

When Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets. Now, these weren't quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the air, explode and make some pretty patterns. Strangely, no matter where he went, there were people who made fireworks, but he had trouble finding someone to demonstrate them for him.

"Not here!" they said. A confused Marco Polo came upon an ancient military fortification at the community of Chu'Lai. Here, fireworks were launched every night, and Marco was very impressed!

But still he wondered, "Why here?" At the end of every week, people came from great distances, bringing their own fireworks to launch. So Marco Polo asked his guide why everyone came here to launch their fireworks.

Marc's guide replied: "Why honored Sir, we always set off fireworks on the Forts of Chu'Lai"

Funny jokes-Weight issues

Serena was talking to her friend Dorothy about her weight issues.
"I make it a point to keep away from anything that makes me fat," she said "Weighing scales and mirrors, are some examples."

Really funny jokes-Decompose

If lawyers can be debarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, software engineers will be detested, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

Hilarious jokes-Funny conversation in court

Hilarious exchange in court

Lawyer: Tell us your brother-in-law's name?

Witness: Walker

Lawyer: What is his first name?

Witness: I am sorry I can't remember.

Lawyer: He's been your brother-in-law for so many years, how is it possible that you can't remember his first name?

Witness: It's just that I am very nervous. (Getting up from the witness chair and pointing to Walker) Toby, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name.