Funny jokes-Biblical epic star

When he was denied membership in an exclusive country club on account of being an actor, biblical epic star Victor John Mature retorted,

"Hell, I'm no actor, and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"

Animal jokes-Dog's favourite song

Q: What is a dog's loved song?

A: Ain't nuttin but a hound dog!!

(Pun for Elvis Presley's 1956 hit song)

Short funny jokes-Rough up

Bubba was arrested for killing a man with sandpaper.

In court, Bubba said in his defense : I never wanted to kill him, all I did was rough him up a bit.

Independence Day joke

Sunny : Do they have a 4th of July in England?

Tommy: Of course. How else do they get from the 3rd to the 5th?

Fourth of July joke

When Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets. Now, these weren't quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the air, explode and make some pretty patterns. Strangely, no matter where he went, there were people who made fireworks, but he had trouble finding someone to demonstrate them for him.

"Not here!" they said. A confused Marco Polo came upon an ancient military fortification at the community of Chu'Lai. Here, fireworks were launched every night, and Marco was very impressed!

But still he wondered, "Why here?" At the end of every week, people came from great distances, bringing their own fireworks to launch. So Marco Polo asked his guide why everyone came here to launch their fireworks.

Marc's guide replied: "Why honored Sir, we always set off fireworks on the Forts of Chu'Lai"

Funny jokes-Weight issues

Serena was talking to her friend Dorothy about her weight issues.
"I make it a point to keep away from anything that makes me fat," she said "Weighing scales and mirrors, are some examples."

Really funny jokes-Decompose

If lawyers can be debarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, software engineers will be detested, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

Hilarious jokes-Funny conversation in court

Hilarious exchange in court

Lawyer: Tell us your brother-in-law's name?

Witness: Walker

Lawyer: What is his first name?

Witness: I am sorry I can't remember.

Lawyer: He's been your brother-in-law for so many years, how is it possible that you can't remember his first name?

Witness: It's just that I am very nervous. (Getting up from the witness chair and pointing to Walker) Toby, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name.

Aviation jokes-Three most dangerous things

Do you know what are the three most dangerous things in aviation (in that order):

1. A doctor in a Cessna.

2. Two captains in a 737 or DC-9.

3. On-board fire

Really funny jokes-Police Story

Bret, who committed a bank robber in Canberra, Australia, stuffed the loot down the front of his slacks and made a dash for the door. He got a nasty shock soon when a dye pack intended to mark stolen money exploded in his slacks.

A police spokesperson shared the following information:
"Witnesses saw him hopping, skipping and jumping around with a blast taking place inside his pants."

Bret was arrested soon after, and Police have kept his charred slacks securely in custody.

Funny jokes-Lawyer in the house!

A lawyer, who was talking to his son about admission to college, said, "Fred, what made you decide that you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?"

"My point is," answered Fred, "have you ever hear anybody get up in a crowd and scream hysterically, 'Is there a lawyer in the house?' "

Economy jokes-Stocks getting cheap

Q: How do you know when stocks are getting really cheap?

A: When Wall Street is called Wal-Mart Street.

An experiment in science

Abdul Qadeer Khan, the famous Pakistani scientist decided to conduct an experiment to determine how rapidly a thermometer falls down.

So he took thermometer and a lit candle to the 7rd floor of a building, dropped them and observed that they both touched the ground at the same time. The famous Pakistani scientist concluded in his book: "A thermometer falls with the speed of light."

Really funny jokes-The ways to grade the final exams

The ways to grade the final exams

Dept of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept of Religion:
Grade is determined by God.

Dept of Philosophy:
What is a grade?

Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

Dept of Logic:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

Dept of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade.

Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

Dept of Physical Education:
Everybody gets an A.