Eskimo relative

Q: Agent 007 has an Eskimo relative. Can you guess his name?

A: It's Polar Bond

Really funny jokes-Reliability of birth control pills

A blonde couple - Brenda and her husband, Joe go to their pharmacist and begin to ask questions like if the pharmacy checks for medications past their expiration date and the reliability of a certain manufacturer that makes birth control pills. After answering their queries, the pharmacist asks them what is wrong. Brenda explains, "I have been using birth control pills and despite that, I continue to get pregnant."

The pharmacist is astonished and asks Brenda if she takes the pills every day.

Brenda replies, "My husband Joe takes them every day."

"Why???" the pharmacist looks questioningly at the blonde couple.

"Oh, after we read all those possible side-effects, Joe offered 'Listen honey... I don't want you taking that stuff.. it's too dangerous.....let ME take them.' "

Duplicating life

Ronald, a scientist by profession, was anti-God. He had a chance to meet God and said, "Well, you are not needed any more, we have come up with a way to create humans without you."

God smiled and said, "All right, let me see you do it."

Ronald bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful of mud .

God stopped him and said, "Wait a minute. Get your own dirt!"

Hilarious Lawyer jokes

Lance, the lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life?

Vinnie, the witness: Not yet.

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Lance, the lawyer: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?

Vinnie, the witness: The victim lived.

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Lance, the lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Vinnie, the witness: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

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Lance, the lawyer: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?

Vinnie, the witness: He didn’t offer me anything; he just said I could have the furniture.

Funny jokes-Two pharmacists

Mark and Martha, two young pharmacists are having a professional discussion at their office.

Mark : What do you want this time, with coat or without coat?

Martha: Let it be with coating, because I don't want to release granules earlier.

Mark: So, Shall I begin molding?

Martha: No, first close the door and window and switch off, because this work is light sensitive.

Clean jokes-Bald eagle

Jack: How will you recognize a bald eagle?

Jill: All his feathers will be combed over to one side.

Short funny jokes-Higher powers

Santa : Do you know, Atheists do not solve exponential equations.

Banta: Really? Why is that?

Santa: That's because they don't have faith in higher powers.

Really funny jokes- Classified classics

A compilation of hilarious classified classics!!!

** A superb and economical restaurant. Fine food, expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

** No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

** Sale! Sale! An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

** We don't tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

** Great chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

** Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

** Dinner Special - Turkey $2.75; Chicken or Beef $2.50; Children $2.00.

** Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

One line jokes-Amnesia

I liked the sound of the word "Amnesia", and then I could not remember it.

Hilarious jokes-Mexican bandit

Agusto, a Mexican bandit robbed a bank. As he was trying to escape with the booty, the sheriff and his deputy chased him and tracked him down in the woods.

Agusto was handcuffed, and the sheriff, who didn't know Spanish, asked him where he had hidden the loot.

"No se nada," he replied.

The sheriff put a gun to Agusto's head, turned to his deputy who could speak Spanish as well as English, and said, "Tell him that if he doesn't disclose where the money is right now, I'll blow his head to smithereens."

On receiving the translation in Spanish, Agusto got excited and started talking. "Ya me acuerdo! Tienen que caminar tres cuadradas hasta ese gran arbol. Debajo del arbol, alli esta el dinero."

The sheriff asked the deputy, "What's he saying?"

The deputy replied, "He says he wants to die like a man."

Really funny jokes-Viola player

Joseph, the viola player was returning from a concert and decided to stop at a bar to have some beer. Halfway through his drink, he remembered he had left his viola on the passenger's seat of the car.

He ran outside, but it already late - someone had broken the window and put three more violas on the rear seat!!!

Short funny jokes-Kids

Q. Can you define Adults?

A. They are just kids with money.

Hilarious jokes-Hungry Rip

An Sea monster, Rip and a Sea serpent, Jin were friends. They were swimming around looking for food. They came across a ship that was hauling potatoes. Rip, the sea monster, swam underneath the ship, toppled it and ate everything on the ship.

After some time, they came across another ship, again carrying potatoes. Rip again went on a rampage, turned the ship upside down and ate everything the ship was carrying.

They found a third ship which was also hauling potatoes and Rip attacked once again and gobbled up everything.

Finally his friend Jin asked him, "Why do you keep toppling those ships full of potatoes and eating everything on board?"

Rip replied, "I wish I had not done that, but it's impossible to stop once I start. Everyone knows you can't eat just one potato ship."

Really funny jokes-If you didn't use

Sam and Jill, a not-so-well-to-do couple, go to a very exclusive hotel to stay for the night. The manager immediately recognized their worth but could not ask them to leave, so he decided to act smart.

The next morning, when the couple came down to settle their dues, they were surprised to find a bill of $4000 waiting for them.

Sam was annoyed and said, "What is the meaning of this? We just spent a night in this hotel!"

The manager said, "You have to understand this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, gyms, pubs and restaurants, all this is very expensive to maintain."

Sam protested,"But we didn't use any of these!"

The manager said, "If you didn't use the facilities, that's your problem."

Sam said, "In that case, you owe me $1000. You see, my wife here is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill."

"Why should I pay?" the manager was taken aback, "I didn't sleep with your wife!"

Sam replied quickly, "If you didn't use her services - that's your problem!"