Funny jokes-Directions on prescription bottle

John, the pharmacist was helping an aged patient in going through the directions on a prescription bottle.

John said, "Please be sure not to take this more often than every 3 hours."

"Oh, don't worry about that," replies the aged patient. "It anyways takes 3 hours for me to get the lid off".

Really funny jokes-No cream

The French philosopher Jules Henri Poincaré was relaxing in a cafe when he a waitress approached him and asked, "Can I get you something, Monsieur Poincaré?"

Poincaré replied, "Yes, I'd like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream".

The waitress returned after a few minutes and said, "I'm sorry, Monsieur Poincaré, we are all out of cream - how about with no milk?"

Hunting blues

Two Harley Davidson riders, Nick and Joey, were riding through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a divider in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT".

So they shrugged and went back home.

Funny jokes-No kidding

I met a girl called Josie who told me about her exploits with the best athletes in college. When I said "no kidding", she thought I was talking about some kind of birth control.

More Oxymorons

A few more OXYMORONS for you to enjoy

**Sweet sorrow
**"Now, then..."
**Synthetic natural gas
**Peace force
**Temporary tax increase
**Computer security
**Plastic glasses
**Terribly pleased
**Political science
**Definite maybe

Adult jokes-Still premature!

David had been suffering from premature ejaculation for years and his wife coaxed him to finally go to a hospital for treatment. David got admitted and underwent an operation.

His wife rang up the hospital to find out if the operation was a success, and the doctor informed her, "I'm sorry but it's still touch and go!"

Really funny stuff-Some oxymorons

Oxymorons are figures of speech combining contradictory terms.

Some TOP OXYMORONS for you to reflect on. Take a pick of your favorite ones...

**Military Intelligence
**Resident alien
**Advanced BASIC
**Genuine imitation
**Same difference
**Almost exactly
**Business ethics
**Twelve-ounce poundcake
**New classic
**Passive aggression

Really funny jokes-Do not disturb

A hillbilly named Billy Bob checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. After a few minutes, he calls the desk and say, "My room does not have any exit. How do I get out?"

The reception clerk replied, "Sir, that's ridiculous. Have you looked for the door?"

Billy Bob says, "Well, there is one door to the bathroom. There's a second door to the closet. And there's another door which I have not tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."

Short funny jokes-Rooster and TV

Q. Why did the rooster switch on the TV?

A. Just for some hentertainment!

Funny jokes-Stock market turnaround

Jack: The Stock market did an incredible turnaround yesterday.

Sam: Really?

Jack: Yep. A stock broker who jumped out of the window of his sixteenth floor office, saw a computer monitor on the eleventh floor and did a U-turn.

Clean jokes-Throwing watches

There are four tourists from India who are visiting London. They go to see the Big Ben. They all climb up the tower and decide to throw their wrist watches from the top, then hurry down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist, Amar, threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken four steps.

The second tourist, Vinod, threw his watch and had hardly taken three before when he heard his watch shatter.

The third tourist, Harry, threw his watch and by the time he had taken two steps, the watch hit the ground.

The fourth tourist, Santa Singh, threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a cup of coffee from a shop down the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.

"How on earth did you do that?" asked all his friends.

"Simple", Santa Singh replied, "My watch is slow by 30 minutes."

Pit Bull and Pathologist

Q: What is the difference between a Pit Bull and a Pathologist?

A: A Pit bull lets go when you're dead!

Funny jokes-Bon appétit!

Mr. Singh from India who was touring the United States, decided to take a cruise. He found himself seated in front of a Frenchman in the ship's dining room. Mr. Singh could speak neither French nor English, and the French guy had no knowledge of Hindi or Punjabi languages.

The Frenchman bowed and said, "Bon appétit!"

Mr. Singh was confused, but he bowed back and replied "Singh."

For the next couple of days, the same routine followed at every meal.

One day, a fellow passenger took Mr. Singh aside and said to him, "Listen, the Frenchman is not telling you his name. When he says 'Bon appétit!', it simply means 'Good Appetite'."

During the next meal, a confident Mr. Singh, bowed to the Frenchman and said, "Bon appétit!".

And the Frenchman, smiling back, replied: "Singh!"

Good jokes-Farmer in city

Joey, a farmer from the country, went to the big bad city to see the sights.

He inquired with the hotel's clerk about the time of meals.

"Breakfast is served from 7 to 10, lunch from 12 to 3, and dinner from 6 to 8," explained the clerk.

"Look here," inquired Joey in surprise, "When will I get time to explore the city?"