Really funny jokes-Group of biologists

A group of biologists are traveling in a truck to conduct some research in a hilly region, when the driver loses control of the vehicle. The truck overturns and runs down the hills, crashing at the bottom & killing all the biologists.

All of them arrive in Heaven. They are all asked a question, "If you are in your casket and you could hear your friends and family mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy who is a good botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the best botanists of all time, and left an eternal contribution to the world of botany."

The second guy who is an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."

The third guy, who is a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "

Funny jokes-Do you know

Teacher: “Jasper, what is this thing they call Twitter?”

Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”

Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”

Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”

Hilarious jokes-Toss a coin

Peter had planned on watching the football game with his friend Harry.

Peter arrived late and the game had already started. Harry asked him, "What kept you?"

Peter replied, "I could not make up my mind between going to church and going to the football game. So I tossed a coin."

"So what took you so long?" asked Harry.

Peter answered,"I had to toss it 40 times."

Funny jokes-The replacement

Harry who played trombone in the opera was in a fix. He had committed himself to another act at his sister's party on the same day he had to play in the opera. He tried hard but could not find a replacement. Finally he approached his household help and convinced him to do the replacement. "You can take my other trombone. Just watch what the guy next to you is doing and it would be all right".

Next morning he asked the household help how it went.

"It was a Catastrophe. Your colleague also sent his household help to replace him".

Kids jokes-Natural history lesson

The teacher was discussing natural history with her class of eight-year old kids.

She began by saying, "Do you know Worker ants can carry food particles that are five times their own weight. What is to be learnt from this?"

A kid raised his hand and replied: "They don't have a union."

Short funny jokes-Crate of ducks

Bill: What is a crate of ducks known as?

Jill : It would be a box of quackers!

Really funny jokes-Divorce is easy

Sam : You know what, it's really easy to get a divorce in the Middle East. A man is just required to say "I divorce you" to his wife 3 times and it's done!

Jack : It's even easier in the US. All a man has to say is "Yeah, that dress makes your butt look fat" once.

Pun-Catch up

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

Bank robbery-Funny joke

There was a bank robbery and the Chief of Police ordered the sergeant to cover all exit points so that none of the robbers could get away.

When the Sergent reported to the Chief that all the robbers had escaped, the Chief went mad with anger & shouted, "Didn't I tell you to cover all the exit points??"

"I did," defended the sergeant, "but they managed to escape through the entrance."

Indian Premier League

A man enters a pub with his dog. The Indian Premier League Cricket match is on between the Mumbai Indians & the Delhi Daredevils. He settles himself & asks the bartender how the star performer Sachin Tendulkar is doing. The bartender says Sachin hit a half century. The dog jumps up, and runs around the bar-stool 50 times.

After another half an hour, the bartender reports that Sachin hit a century. The dog reacts by jumping up again and running around the bar-stool a hundred times.

The bartender is amazed & says, "That dog of yours is something! What does he do if Sachin Tendulkar's team wins?

"I don't know", says the man, "I've only had him for 3 years!"

Smartness

Smartness is like your knickers. It is important to have it, but not essential to show it off!

Green vegetables

Sandy said to his friend Ron, 'My wife sent me to the greengrocer's to buy some green vegetables."

'So were you able to find some?" asked Ron.

'Well, when I reached the shop, I asked the manager, 'My wife wants some green vegetables. Have they been sprayed with any harmful chemicals?''

Sandy continued, 'The shopkeeper told me, 'No, why don't you do it yourself.'

Really funny jokes-Hunting Statisticians

There were three statisticians who went out for hunting together. They saw a deer and immediately the first statistician fired, but missed, by an inch to the left. The second statistician fired, and he too missed, by an inch to the right. The third statistician did not fire, but declared enthusiastically, "On an average, we made it!"

Statistics joke-One in a million

My statistical view of the Chinese is that even if you are someone who is a one in a billion, there will still be a million more just like you.