Really funny jokes-Three pregnant women chatting

Three pregnant women were knitting sweaters for their soon-to-arrive babies, and chatting.

The first one said to the others, "I'm taking folic acid, so my baby will be healthy and have a robust immune system."

The second said, "Oh, I'm taking lots of calcium so my baby will be strong and grow tall."

The third said, "I'm taking Thalidomide."

The others reacted, of course, with horror. "Thalidomide! Why would you take that?"

"Because I don't know how to knit sleeves."

Light bulb jokes-How many cops

How many cops does it take to change light bulb?

Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Only one, but he has to see an officer do it first.

Three, one to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say "Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along."

Funny jokes-How cops do it

How cops do it...

Cops do it by the book.
Cops do it with handcuffs.
Detectives do it under cover.
Policemen do it without a break for 12 hours.

Funny jokes-Obnoxious kid

In London there's a new service that delivers the morning-after pill to your home by bicycle messenger. And to make sure you don't regret your decision, the pills will be delivered by a kid who is an obnoxious jerk.

Hilarious jokes-Philosophy of Life

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came out, he went into the street and met an old colleague, who asked him where in heaven's name he had been all those years.

"In a closet," he replied. "I wanted to know what life really is."

"And have you found an answer?"

"Yes," he replied. "I think it can best be expressed by saying that life is like a bridge."

"That's all well and good," replied the colleague, "but can you be a little more explicit? Can you tell me how life is like a bridge?"

"Oh," replied the philosopher after some thought, "maybe you're right; perhaps life is not like a bridge."

Funny jokes-Toughest flight of stairs

Dean and Martin, both completely drunk, were going home one late night walking on railway tracks.

Dean: “This is the toughest flight of stairs I have ever taken.”

Martin: “Yeah, even the railings are so low.”

Really funny jokes-Old age stamina

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves.

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves.. by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied , "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this crap but me!"

SMS jokes-Biggest benefit

Wat is d Biggest Benefit of having a crush in d same college where u study ?

100% Attendance...

Short funny jokes-Front teeth

The joker had a bad fall and lost his front teeth. It was no laughing matter.

Doctor jokes-Duck analysis

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

Funny jokes-How long?

A Swede man goes to a lumber yard to buy some lumbers of eight feet length in particular.

The salesman of the yard asked the Swede: “How long do you want them?”

The Swede: “For quite long, you see, I am building a house.”

Really funny jokes-Anything for wife?

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

"No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked.

"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."

One line jokes-Hotel

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

Funny jokes-Best friend fooling around

One day Dean came home from his office and the first thing he did was to shoot his dog. Martin, his neighbor and friend saw this and asked the reason.

Dean said: “An unknown person called my office and informed me that my best friend was fooling around with my wife.”

Martin was mighty relieved.