My colleague Mary went to the doctor complaining of severe pain in the stomach.
The doctor told her it was 'just wind'.
"Just wind?" reacted Mary, "It was just wind that blew down the Tay Bridge!"
Really funny jokes, adult jokes, good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, very funny jokes, kids jokes, funny pictures
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Really funny jokes-Twisted journalism
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.
A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.
"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."
A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.
"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Short funny jokes-Ghost with broken leg
Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin.
A: Hoblin Goblin.
Labels:
Short funny jokes,
short humor jokes,
SMS jokes
Funny jokes-Late at Hollywood wedding
I was invited to a Hollywood wedding. Since traffic was heavy, so I got there late - just in time for the divorce.
Labels:
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Short funny jokes
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Funny tourist jokes-Sign the Magna Carta
A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Damn! Just missed it by a half hour!"
A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Damn! Just missed it by a half hour!"
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Hilarious jokes-Penalties for perjury
Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.
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Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
SMS jokes-One year Contract in Bangkok
So your wife didn't believe that "one year contract in Bangkok with no leave" story, John?
You should have seen John's face.
You should have seen John's face.
Labels:
Short funny jokes,
short humor jokes,
SMS jokes
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Really funny jokes-Feed the pigs
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: "What do you use to feed your pigs?"
"Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?"
"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes."
Then he fined the farmer.
Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: "Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?"
"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat."
And he fined the farmer.
Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."
"Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?"
"Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes."
Then he fined the farmer.
Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: "Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?"
"Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat."
And he fined the farmer.
Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."
Labels:
animal jokes,
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Kids jokes-Missed school
Teacher: Tim, you missed school yesterday, didn't you?
Tim: Not a bit!
Tim: Not a bit!
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Kids Jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
Teacher Jokes
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Really funny jokes-Who is the best?
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Labels:
animal jokes,
Office jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Accountant jokes-Charisma
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
Office jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Obama jokes-Comparison to Gandhi
In a speech on Wall Street the other day, President Obama compared himself to Gandhi. Well, that makes sense. He's created a lot of jobs in India.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Short funny jokes,
short humor jokes
Monday, March 12, 2012
Funny jokes-Walking on water
A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a professional poker player were fishing from a boat not from the shore of a lake. The pastor needed to go to the bathroom so he got out of the boat, walked across the water, disappeared into the woods by the shore, then walked back across the water to the boat and climbed back in.
The priest was the next to make the trip, getting out of the boat, walking across the water, disappearing into the trees, then walking back across the water and returning to the boat.
The professional poker player was the last to go. He stepped out of the boat and immediately sank. The pastor looked at the priest and said: "You really should have told him where the rocks are."
The priest was the next to make the trip, getting out of the boat, walking across the water, disappearing into the trees, then walking back across the water and returning to the boat.
The professional poker player was the last to go. He stepped out of the boat and immediately sank. The pastor looked at the priest and said: "You really should have told him where the rocks are."
Labels:
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
SMS jokes-Etc
Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam?
bcoz it means...
E-End of
T-thinking
C-capacity.
bcoz it means...
E-End of
T-thinking
C-capacity.
Labels:
Short funny jokes,
short humor jokes,
SMS jokes
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