Hilarious jokes-Poker

A world-renowned heart-surgeon and poker pro and a blonde cocktail waitress are sitting next to each other in a $1-2 NL cash game at the MGM in Las Vegas. The surgeon is upset as the blonde keeps winning big pots from him despite it being the first time she's ever played poker.

He suggests they play a prop bet where they ask each other questions; if they don't know the answer to the question; they have to pay the other person. She asks him how she's supposed to compete with a smart, world-renowned surgeon, as she's just a simple cocktail waitress. Eager to make her look stupid, he offers her odds, so that she has to pay him $5 for every time he stumps her, but he'll pay her $50 each time she stumps him. She agrees.

He asks her what the capital of Paraguay is and she shrugs and flips him a red $5 chip.

Her question for him is: "What rises in the evening, sleeps in the morning, and has twice as many brothers as sisters?"

He thinks and thinks and thinks, getting more frustrated, then whips out his iPhone, calls his friends, and finally checks the Internet for an answer. He finally gives up and shoves $50 in chips over to her.

"Well," he angrily demands, "what's the answer?"

She shrugs and flips him another $5 chip.

Really funny jokes-The voice

Joe's just gotten his morning coffee on the way to work when a booming voice tells him: "Take the freeway instead of your normal shortcut." He takes the freeway and when he gets to the office everyone is talking about a huge accident that occurred on his normal route to work.

Three days later he's grilling burgers in his backyard and the voice tells him: "Go inside and watch television." He does and through the window outside he watches a huge oak tree fall and crush the grill where he was just standing.

When the voice tells him to sell everything he owns and move to Vegas, he sells everything he owns and moves to Vegas. The voice tells him to pay $10,000 to enter the World Series of Poker Main Event, which he does.

He's dealt two red aces and the voice tells him to go all-in. He shoves all-in and five different players call. The flop is Jack of clubs, 10 of clubs, 9 of clubs...

"Oh crap..." the voice says.

Animal jokes-Dogs and Cats

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... I must be a god!

Insurance agents joke-Light bulb

How many insurance agents does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends on whether the light bulb burned alone or with the whole house.

Short funny jokes-Bagpipers

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

To get away from the noise.

Funny jokes-Union House

Attending a union convention in Las Vegas a union lighting man decides to visit a bordello. He goes into the first place, the ladies are lovely, and he asks the Madam, "Is this a union establishment?"

"Why, no, it isn't," the Madam replies.

"Well," the Union Man asks, "what percentage of the take goes to the girl?"

"We split the money, 20 percent to the girl and 80 percent to the house."

Feeling that wasn't a fair split the man left and went to another establishment. Again he asked the same questions and received a similar response. Although not a union house the split rate at this one was 30 percent to the girl and 70 percent to the house.

He continued his trek for some time until, finally, he came upon a Union House. "That's wonderful," he says to the Madam, "and what's the split?"

"We give 80 percent to the girl and keep just 20 percent for the house."

The Man is overjoyed. "Fantastic," he says, finally satisfied. Immediately he spots an attractive young blonde and indicates her to the Madam. "I'd like to have her please," he declares.

"Oh, I'm sure you would," the Madam replies, but she instead redirects him to an aging, overweight woman in the corner, "But I'm afraid Ethel here has seniority."

Celebrity jokes-Trampoline

Q: Why should you watch the morning show "View" with Barbara Walters and Elizabeth Hasselbeck?

A: Tom Cruise is going to be a guest. Instead of the couch, Tom is going to use her stomach as a trampoline!

Really funny jokes-Museum of Natural History

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard,“Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”

The guard replies, “They are three million, four years, and six months old.”

“That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”

The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago!”

Clean joke-Lifting weights

Q. Why can’t a Skeleton Lift Weights?

A. He’s all bone & no muscle.

Funny jokes-Sports phenomenon

The new sports phenom, New York Knicks' player Jeremy Lin, came off the bench and helped win six games including a last-second shot to defeat the Toronto Raptors.

Where else but America can you drink a German beer and watch a Taiwanese basketball player on your Japanese TV beat a team from Canada?

Funny jokes-The Heart Attack Grill

In Las Vegas a diner suffered a heart attack while eating at a restaurant called The Heart Attack Grill. Even worse, it totally ruined the man's plans to take his date back to his room at the Chlamydia Hilton.

SMS jokes-Love story of a doctor

luv story of a doctor :D

i was in 12th

she was in 12th

i got into MBBS

she got B.COM

i was doing MBBS

she got M.COM

i was doing MBBS

she got an MBA

i completed MBBS

she got married

i was preparing for M.D entrance

she's the mother of two children

i am doing my MD

her daughter is in class 1

i completed MD n internship

her daughter passed 10th

i have joined a job

the gr8est irony- today is my engagement and her daughter is my wife!!

Really funny jokes-Dogs allowed!

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:”I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you re welcome to stay here, too.”

Funny jokes-Bad at telling lies

Q: Why are ghosts bad at telling lies ?

A: Because you can see right through them !