One line jokes-The post Office

The Post Office in the USA lost $5.1 billion last year making it the most successful government organization in history.

Funny jokes-Under Seige

A royal castle was under siege from an infidel army. The only hope was to send one of the knights to get help, but the problem was that all of the horses had been killed in the battle.

"We must get help," said the king.

"I know," replied the leader of his army, "but we have no horses. If a knight goes on foot, he will be slain at once."

"Is there not another animal he can ride?" demanded the king. "What about that mighty wolfhound? It could surely bear the weight of a man."

"No, no," pleaded the army leader. "The wolfhound is too dangerous. Look at its snarling teeth. I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this."

Superhero jokes-Bad date

Q: Why did Bruce's date go badly?

A: Because he has BAT breath!

Funny jokes-Visit to LA

President Obama's visit to Los Angeles has really messed up traffic. It took me two hours to get to work. Of course, I ride a little girl's bike to work.

Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A.

Really funny jokes-Bird impressions

An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative. So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent’s desk.

`So you do bird impressions, said the agent, `what else can you do?

SMS jokes-Arrest the ghost

Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?

A: He didn't have a haunting license.

Good jokes-The secret box

A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live.

He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can do to make you happy, tell me."

The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" in it and you said you never would want me to open it as long as you lived. Now that I'm about to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's in that secret box of yours?"

The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid.

It contained $10,000 and three eggs.

"What are those eggs doing in the box?" the preacher asked. "Well, Honey," she replied, "every time your sermon was really bad I put an egg in the box.

Now the preacher had been preaching for over forty years, and seeing only three eggs in that old shoe box, he started to feel very proud about himself and it warmed his soul.

"And what about that $10,000?"" he asked.

"Oh, you see," she whispered softly, "every time there were a dozen eggs in the box, I . . . ummm . . . sold them . . . and put a dollar in the box."

Funny jokes-Pun with string

A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Disappointed, the string hopped down from the stool and went to the next bar. He hopped on the barstool and said, again, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

The string continued down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender at every bar in turn said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

Finally he got to the last bar in the area. He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a beer. He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." This bartender, too, said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

Tired and angry, the string walked outside to think. He was a hard-working string. He deserved a beer. Finally, he came up with an idea. He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and frazzle his ends. Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up on the barstool. "Bartender, gimme a beer!" he said loudly.

The bartender looked him over critically, and finally yelled, "Hey, aren't you that string that was in here a few minutes ago?"

The string replied coolly, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

Clean jokes-Parents

Q: What do you call a ghost's mother and father ?

A: Transparents !

Really funny jokes-Potato family

The Spuds had three daughters, all of whom went away to college. There they met and dated several different people. All three became engaged at the same time, and went home to tell their parents.

The oldest daughter said, "Mom, Dad, I have some good news. I'm getting married!"

The parents asked, "So who is the lucky fellow?"

"His name is Daniel Russet," the daughter said, with a hint of pride in her voice.

"Wonderful!" The proud parents exclaimed. "The Russets are a distinguished line of potatoes!"

The middle daughter said, "Mom, Dad, I have good news, too. I'm also engaged to be married."

"And who are you going to marry, dear?"

"His name is Benjamin Idaho," the daughter replied.

"Oh, the Idahos are a fine old potato family," Mom and Dad Spud said. "We're so happy for both of you!"

The youngest daughter's turn came. She said, "Mom, Dad, you won't believe this. I'm engaged, too!"

"And who is your lucky fellow?" the parents wanted to know.

His name is Tom Brokow," was the reply.

At this the parents looked at their youngest daughter with a disapproving stare. "But, honey," they gasped. "That won't do at all! Why, he's just . . . a common tater!"

Hilarious jokes-Comments by actress

From the mini-series "Moviola," an actress commenting on a director's last film :

"I could swallow a can of Kodak and puke a better movie than that."

Celebrity jokes-Bob Marley's wife

Q: What did Bob Marley say when his wife left him and took the oven?

A: No Woman, No Pie

Really funny jokes-In and Out

Once there was a family of skunks who lived in a hollow tree. There were two baby skunks. Their names were In and Out.

Now whenever In went out, Out came in, and whenever Out went out, In came in. If In happened to be in and wanted to go out, he would not go out until Out came in. And if Out happened to be in, and wanted to go out, he would not go out until In came in.

One day a big storm blew up, and the mother and father skunks were worried about their children. So they quickly looked around to see whether In was in and Out was out or if Out was in and In was out. Out happened to be in right then. The mother skunk said to Out, "Out, go out and bring In in, please. I'm worried about him."

Out said, "Sure thing, Mama." So Out went out, and for the very first time Out and In were out at the same time. Just a minute or two later Out came back in, and In came in behind him. For the first time in a long time In and Out were in at the same time.

The mother skunk was amazed. "Out, how did you find your brother so quickly?" she asked.

"Oh, Mama, it was easy," Out said. "In stinked!"

If you need a hint, that's instinct.

Short funny jokes-Street

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best ?

A: A dead end !