Hilarious political jokes-Best decision

Senator John McCain told Sean Hannity that choosing Sarah Palin was still the best decision he ever made. Well, today the Arizona DMV took away his driver's license.

Really funny jokes-Carnival truck

A carnival truck and a revival preacher's truck collide head-on, and everyone is killed. The next thing anyone knows, Saint Peter is interrogating the revival preacher very thoroughly. Suddenly, the carnival crew arrives at the Pearly Gates reeking of beer and reefer, and Saint Peter continues waves them all through as he continues questioning the preacher. The Reverend splutters indignantly and asks, "How can you let those filthy, unrighteous hooligans into heaven while you give me the third degree?"

"Take it easy," Saint Peter says. "They're only going to be here a week."

Hilarious jokes-Roustabout

Two aerialists are up checking their rigging looking down on a roustabout who is setting up the lion tamer's cage. They are wondering how much brain you need to do that kind of work. So one performer gets a c-wrench and drops it on the worker's head. He loses half his brain, but keeps on doing the job. So the other aerialist gets a c-wrench and drops it down on the roustabout, until there is only a quarter of his brain left, but he goes on assembling the cage. The first flier drops an iron bar on the poor guy's head and he only has one brain cell left.

Immediately, the roustabout drops all his tools, walks over to the microphone and goes "Ladeeeees and Gentlemen and Children of Aaaaall Ages…!"

Short funny jokes-Around the world

Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world?

He drowned.

Funny jokes-Blanket

A guy's going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him. The first night on the Amtrak, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk. She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!"

He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're Mrs. Forsythe for a little while?

She says, "Oh, I'd like that."

He says, "Then get you own damn blanket."

Hilarious jokes-Prince Harry

If Prince Harry gets married next month will Chels(y)a be playing Cambridge at family functions?

Really funny jokes-No menus

A guy goes into a restaurant and asks for a menu, but the waiter tells him, "We don't have menus here. Our chef can make any dish you desire … in fact, if he can't, we'll give you one thousand dollars."

The man sees a chance to make some money so he thinks of something impossible. "Bring me an order of hummingbird tongues on rye toast," he tells the waiter, who returns fairly quickly with a plate. "One order of hummingbird tongues on rye toast. Will there be anything else?"

The man thinks for a second, then says, "I'd like a bowl of lo mein made with rutabaga-flavored noodles that were imported from Bolivia by Paul Newman, accompanied by a croissant with exactly 429 caraway seeds and served on aquamarine-colored bone china from the Yuan Dynasty." The waiter returns in a few minutes with a bowl. "One number eight. Will there be anything else?"

The man thinks another second, then says, "Yes … bring me an elephant ear sandwich." The waiter says disappears into the kitchen and returns with a thousand dollars in cash. "You did it, sir. You beat us." With a broad smile, the man pockets the money. "Didn't have any elephant ears back there, huh?" "Oh no," the waiter says. "We have plenty of elephant ears. We just ran out of the big rolls."

Kids jokes-Flipping a coin

A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again.

The teacher says, "What are you doing?"

He says, "Checking my answers."

Funny jokes-Father's ashes

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He goes, "Jeez...oooh....I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

Animal jokes-Four legs and one arm

What has four legs and one arm?

A happy pit bull.

Really funny jokes-Lion tamers

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a man in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde woman about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm going to be honest with you, this is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She ignores the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"

The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."

Clean jokes-Cheeseburgers

What do some people have against cheeseburgers?

They say, 'Burgers can't be cheesy!'

Short funny jokes-Crash diet

Prince Charles went on a crash diet for the wedding : In just 14 days he lost exactly two weeks.

Superman jokes-Lost strength

Superman's strength was beyond measurement. It could only be lost, little by little, if he enjoyed the company of a mortal woman.

One day, he ran into Lois Lane and she took him up to her apartment for an evening of entertainment. Each bout removed a tiny amount of Superman's great power.

The next morning, Superman got out of bed, went to the window, lifted the shade, and went up with it!