One line jokes-Double

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

Really funny jokes-Rolling Stones

How do the Rolling Stones like their burgers?

Plain - Rolling Stones gather no moss-tard!

Superman jokes

Superman's been wearing that one outfit for over half a century.

He's strong--and a little gamy, I think! Now I know why Superman left Krypton.
Earth was the only place where he could get steroids!

Lois Lane is Crazy about Superman.
On Valentine's Day, she sends a card to the phone company!

Because of his X-ray vision, Superman is unable to pass an eye test.
When he looks at an eye-chart, he sees through it to a billboard in the next county!

As mild-mannered Clark Kent, Superman is afraid of girls.
He's worried that he'll run into the one he stole the red and blue suit from!


Superman can fly across the country in ten minutes.
A little longer, if he's on stand-by!

Superman used to fly across the country much faster.
Now he has to go by way of Atlanta!

I think Superman would be cooler if he was the Man of Reinforced Plexiglass.
Bullets would still bounce off, but we'd get the added bonus of seeing real superhero internal organs.

Funny jokes-Free to move

In a Southwest Airlines, the Pilot says: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

Celebrity jokes-Hit with a guitar

Q: What do call it when Eric Clapton hits your car with his guitar?

A: A FENDER BENDER!

Hilarious jokes-Picture of wife

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot then looks into his pocket. he does this over and over again. finally the bartender asks why he orders a shot and after drinking it he looks into his pocket.

The man responded "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."

Really funny jokes-Stupid superheroes

Why is Superman stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants.

Why is Batman more stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants and puts on a belt over his underwear.

Why is Robin even more stupid?
Because he followed what batman did.

Why is Spider-man the most stupid superhero of them all?
Because he wears his underwear over his head.

Short funny jokes-Greatest accomplishment

What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans ?

Speaking Latin !

One line jokes-Cancelled cricket match

Have you heard about the Irish cricket match that was cancelled because both sides showed up wearing the same colours?

Teacher jokes-The offer

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."

There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."

Really funny jokes-Lost Compass

Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems?

Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.

Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..

Clean jokes-Bat boy

Q: What position did Bruce Wayne play on his little-league team?

A: He was the bat-boy.

Blonde jokes-Four corners

There is a big room with four corners. In the first corner, you find Superman. In the second corner you find Batman. In the third corner you find Spiderman. And in the fourth corner you find a gorgeous, extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with a ultra-thin magazine-model figure. In the center of the room there is a pot of gold. Who gets to the pot of gold first?

A: None, because none of these characters exist.

Obama jokes-Cabinet

Q: What is the difference between Obama and Jesus?

A: Jesus can put a cabinet together.