Animal jokes-Trained the human

One lab mouse to another: I've trained that crazy human at last.

How have you done that?

I don't know how, but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell, he gives me a piece of cheese.

Short funny jokes-Tennis stars

Name two tennis stars who are famous in the hamburger world?

Bjorn Borger and Billie Jean-o's Burger King!

Really funny jokes-Golden wedding anniversary

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

Thanksgiving jokes-Baseballs

Teacher: "What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"

Student: "Baseballs."

Teacher: "Baseballs?"

Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"

Economy jokes-Funny money

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock and collapse of the Bradford and Bingley in the UK it is clear that the uncertainty has now hit Japan and Ireland.

In the last seven days Origami Bank has folded; Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

Celebrity jokes-Not interested in education

Q: Why isn't Hilary Duff interested in education?

A: She said that she was not interested in learning about anything that was so yesterday.

Funny jokes-Moose from Canada

A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of the cages "An' whut animal would that be ?" he asked the keeper.

"That's a moose from Canada", came the reply.

"A moose !!", exclaimed the Scotsman. "Hoots, mon, if that's a moose then they must ha' rats the size of elephants over there !"

Really funny jokes-Cat coming in the door

A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober. He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, "You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, I'd see four!"

The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. Finally he responds, "You're drunker than I thought!", taking the rest of the alcohol away, "That cat isn't coming in, it's going out!"

Clean jokes-Baby monster

Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer?

Because he wanted frozen pop.

Hilarious jokes-Ethics

The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him. "How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is don't you?"

The young partner is offended. "Of course I know what Ethics is. It's a county in southern England."

Good jokes-Politician and truth

What do you call a politician who swears to tell the truth?

A liar.

Funny jokes-Tap dancing duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.

After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

Short funny jokes-Ant who like to be alone

What do you call an ant who likes to be alone ?

An independant !

Really funny jokes-For a million dollars

"You wouldn't sleep with Angelina Jolie for a million dollars, would you?", asked the cuddling wife.

"Don't be ridiculous", said the husband. "How am I gonna raise a million dollars?"