Really funny jokes-For a million dollars

"You wouldn't sleep with Angelina Jolie for a million dollars, would you?", asked the cuddling wife.

"Don't be ridiculous", said the husband. "How am I gonna raise a million dollars?"

Most popular jokes-English passenger

As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noticeably afraid.

"What's the problem, fellow?" asked his seat mate.

"Surely," said the Englishman, "you've heard the saying, 'The planes in Spain fall mainly in the rains!!'"

Funny jokes-Face to face

FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

BERT: No, what happened? FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . .

BERT: What did you do?

FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

Clean jokes-Neutron

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.

The bartender promptly serves up a beer.

"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.

"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."

Funny jokes-Debit fee

'The people beat Bank of America, who withdrew their $5 debit fee. Instead, the bank is going to replace that with a $60 annual fee."
-Jay Leno

Really funny jokes-Calm Pilot

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. "Good lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?" The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

Animal jokes-Apes in Hollywood film

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

Funny jokes-Mongoose in a box

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"

"A mongoose."

"What for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

Really funny jokes-The Lone Ranger's horse

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know............ you left your Injun running!!!"

Celebrity jokes-Hit me baby

Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed ?

A: Hit me baby one more time.

Hilarious jokes-Aviation blues

Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!

LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check.
Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.

Some kind of joke

An Indian, a Rabbi, the Pope, an Italian, and an Irishman all walk into a bar together and sit down. The bartender looks at all 5 of them and says, "What is this... some kind of joke?"

Really funny jokes-Describe in Albhabets

A wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.

She said, 'What does that mean?'

He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous Hot'.

She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'

He said, ' I'm Just Kidding'

Teacher jokes-Banana diet

Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet.

Andy: Did she lose weight?

Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!