Hilarious jokes-Started with the iPhone

It all started with an iPhone...

My son celebrated his 16th birthday in April,
and I bought him an iPhone. He simply loved it.

I celebrated my birthday in May, and I was really pleased to get an ipad from my wife.

My daughter's birthday was in November, so I got her an iPod Touch.

My wife's birthday was celebrated in February, so I got her an iRon.

It was around that time the fights started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

iHurt

Really funny jokes-Turkey style

"Well, dear what's it to be tonight?" said the amorous hubby.

"Hmmm ... I'm in the mood for something special tonight, how about turkey style?" replied his mate.

"Turkey style? I've heard of 'doggy style,' but what in the world is turkey style?"

To which the wife replied, "Gobble, gobble, gobble!"

Celebrity jokes-Bob Marley

Q. Why did they have so much trouble burying Bob Marley?

A. His coffin kept jammin'

Hilarious jokes-Lost bearings

An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation.

"It was late at night'" says the pilot, "Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings."

"I'm sorry," says the auditor, "but you'll have to bear the cost yourself."

"The cost of what?" asks the pilot. "Of the bearings you lost."

Funny jokes-Baby sitters

Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough.

Funny jokes-New invention

Sohan and Mohan were discussing Sohan’s new computer.

Sohan: “my new invention is a computer that behaves like human beings.”

Mohan: “How?”

Sohan: “For every mistake it makes, it starts blaming the other computers”

Clean jokes-Watching the the gnu

The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good.

To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later:
MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S EAR!

Really funny jokes-Grounded

Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an additional three hours in the airport.

"How come?," his nephew asked.

"My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained.

"Grounded?" the little boy said. "I didn't know planes had parents."

Kids jokes-Good deed for the day

A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day.

"Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it."

Hilarious jokes-Retiring Accountant

A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day's work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: "Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window."

Funny jokes-Day at the Zoo

Fred was definitely more than a bit dumb; when his pal asked him how he had enjoyed his day at the zoo, he replied, "it was a total con! I saw a sign that said To The Monkeys, so I followed it and saw the monkeys. Then I saw another sign that said To The Bears, so I followed that and saw the bears. But when I followed a sign that said To the Exit, I found myself out on the street."

Valentine's Day joke-It's the thought that counts

My dear wife is always going on and on and on about NOT making a fuss over her on Valentine's Day.

She repeats that it's the thought that counts.

Well, I put a lot of thought into the gifts from previous February 14ths but she didn't quite take to any of them like I assumed she would.

Here's my list - see what you think:

* Brand new mop and bucket.

I was thinking it would be fun to see what colour the floor was because I couldn't remember.

* Romantic dinner at fast food restaurant.

I was thinking that she might like to go inside for a change instead of fetching dinner at the drive through.

* Chocolates left-over from last year's candy box. I was thinking of how proud she'd be of me for not wasting food. She's been nagging me for years to recycle.

* Midnight moped ride through the park. I was thinking that I'm getting too old to be peddling on the bike.

* Dozen roses printed on high quality photo paper. I was thinking these would last a lifetime instead of just a week.

* 45 second back massage. I was thinking any longer and she might think I was interested in something else.

* Windows Vista. I was thinking how proud she would be to be a part of the technology crowd.

Animal jokes-Birthday song

What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?

"Happy Birthday To Gnu!"

Really funny jokes-A pair of animals

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."