Really funny jokes-Degree of Urgency

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'.

Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"

The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.

"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency," replied Brennan.

Funny jokes-Inconsiderate husband

Question. What is the definition of an inconsiderate husband?

Answer. One who wins a trip to Paris and goes by himself, twice.

Good jokes-New Swedish Navy

Why does the NEW Swedish navy have glass-bottom boats?

To see the OLD Swedish navy.

Really funny jokes-American soldier

A battle weary American soldier boarded a crowded train in in London during the early days of post-WWII, only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit.

As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog curled up on one of the seats.

A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog.

The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog?

Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"

The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "Oh! You Americans. You are so rude. Fluffy is in that seat, and I see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."

The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out.

The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation, and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.

"You Americans", he said, "You drive on the wrong side of the road ... You eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong woman out the window."

One line jokes-Overdressed

People who are wrapped up in themselves are overdressed.

Funny jokes-Expensive fishing trip!

Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish.

Ole says, "The way I figger it, Sven, each of them fish cost us $400.

Well, at dat price it's a good ting we didn't catch any more of em than we did," says Sven.

Blonde jokes-Ice hockey team

Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?

A: They drowned in Spring training.

Really funny jokes-You know you are living in 2011

You know you are living in 2011 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the shopping.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go home and get it !!

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your tea or coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message to.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list !!

Birthday party jokes-Games Rabbits play

What birthday party games do rabbits like to play?

Musical Hares.

Economy jokes-DOW average

Q: What will happen if the DOW average falls any further?

A: They'll add a N to the end of it!

Hilarious jokes-Paralyze

Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?

A: He married her.

Really funny jokes-Buffalo come

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"

And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky".

Celebrity jokes-50 cent's Car

Q: Did you hear about that car 50 Cent sent to his mechanic?

A: The engine was shot...just like everything else.

Funny American jokes-Things You Learn in Texas

Things You Learn in Texas

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas plus a couple that have not been identified yet.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

People actually grow and eat okra.

"Fixinto" is one word.

There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

DJeet? means "Did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You measure distance in minutes.

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

The first day of deer season is a national holiday.

100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm." We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.

We don't need no stinking driver's Ed . . . If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.