What birthday party games do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares.
Really funny jokes, adult jokes, good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, very funny jokes, kids jokes, funny pictures
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Economy jokes-DOW average
Q: What will happen if the DOW average falls any further?
A: They'll add a N to the end of it!
A: They'll add a N to the end of it!
Labels:
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes,
short humor jokes
Hilarious jokes-Paralyze
Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?
A: He married her.
A: He married her.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Really funny jokes-Buffalo come
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky".
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky".
Labels:
Adult jokes,
animal jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Celebrity jokes-50 cent's Car
Q: Did you hear about that car 50 Cent sent to his mechanic?
A: The engine was shot...just like everything else.
A: The engine was shot...just like everything else.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Funny American jokes-Things You Learn in Texas
Things You Learn in Texas
Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas plus a couple that have not been identified yet.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra.
"Fixinto" is one word.
There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
DJeet? means "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You measure distance in minutes.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm." We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
We don't need no stinking driver's Ed . . . If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas plus a couple that have not been identified yet.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra.
"Fixinto" is one word.
There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
DJeet? means "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You measure distance in minutes.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm." We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
We don't need no stinking driver's Ed . . . If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Really funny jokes-Thousands at home
A Cuban, a Scot, a Spaniard, and an Irishman are sharing a carriage on a train to Belfast.
The Cuban lights up this enormous Cuban cigar, takes one short drag from it and flings the cigar out the window.
The other three look at him in amazement and ask why he just threw out a full Cuban cigar.
He says, "I'm from Cuba, we have thousands of those things back home."
The Scot pulls out a litre bottle of Bells Whiskey, a 50 year-old bottle, takes a short measure glass, half fills it, knocks it back and flings the remainder of the bottle out the window.
The other three are in shock, ask him why he just threw away a near full bottle of fine malt Scottish whiskey??!!
He replies, "I'm Scottish, we have thousands of those things at home."
The Spaniard pulls out a flagon of red wine, a 100 year-old classic. He takes a couple of sips, licks his lips, and flings the remainder of the wine out the window.
The other three ask him why he just threw away a near full bottle of classic wine, he replies, "I'm Spanish, I have thousands of those things back home."
The Irish then grabs the Spaniard and throws him out of the window.
The Cuban lights up this enormous Cuban cigar, takes one short drag from it and flings the cigar out the window.
The other three look at him in amazement and ask why he just threw out a full Cuban cigar.
He says, "I'm from Cuba, we have thousands of those things back home."
The Scot pulls out a litre bottle of Bells Whiskey, a 50 year-old bottle, takes a short measure glass, half fills it, knocks it back and flings the remainder of the bottle out the window.
The other three are in shock, ask him why he just threw away a near full bottle of fine malt Scottish whiskey??!!
He replies, "I'm Scottish, we have thousands of those things at home."
The Spaniard pulls out a flagon of red wine, a 100 year-old classic. He takes a couple of sips, licks his lips, and flings the remainder of the wine out the window.
The other three ask him why he just threw away a near full bottle of classic wine, he replies, "I'm Spanish, I have thousands of those things back home."
The Irish then grabs the Spaniard and throws him out of the window.
Labels:
Good jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
One line jokes-Extraordinarily patient
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Labels:
One line jokes,
Short funny jokes,
SMS jokes
Friday, September 2, 2011
Hilarious jokes-American Tourists
How Many American Tourists Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Fifteen.
Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.
Fifteen.
Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Really funny jokes-Racehorse doping
Racehorse doping is not unknown in Ireland.
One day, the Clerk of the Course spotted a trainer giving something to a horse just before the start of a race.
He went over and said, "Doping?"
The trainer said, "Indeed not, Sor.
'Tis just lump sugar. Look, I'll take a bit meself.. see?"
The Clerk of the Course said,
"Sorry, but we have to be careful. As a matter of fact, I like a bit of sugar meself."
So the trainer gave him a piece.
When the Clerk of the Course disappeared, the trainer gave his jockey his last minute instructions,
"Don't forget the drill.
Hold him in 'til the last four furlongs.
Don't worry if anything passes ye, it'll be me or the Clerk of the Course!"
One day, the Clerk of the Course spotted a trainer giving something to a horse just before the start of a race.
He went over and said, "Doping?"
The trainer said, "Indeed not, Sor.
'Tis just lump sugar. Look, I'll take a bit meself.. see?"
The Clerk of the Course said,
"Sorry, but we have to be careful. As a matter of fact, I like a bit of sugar meself."
So the trainer gave him a piece.
When the Clerk of the Course disappeared, the trainer gave his jockey his last minute instructions,
"Don't forget the drill.
Hold him in 'til the last four furlongs.
Don't worry if anything passes ye, it'll be me or the Clerk of the Course!"
Labels:
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Funny jokes-Smash ten bottles
A Swede was in a pub in Finland and a regular customer suggested to him:
"I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head."
The Swede thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure.
The Finn smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles.
"So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?," asked the Swede.
"I am not a total idiot," the Finn replied, "then I would have to give you that $200."
"I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head."
The Swede thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure.
The Finn smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles.
"So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?," asked the Swede.
"I am not a total idiot," the Finn replied, "then I would have to give you that $200."
Labels:
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Obama jokes-Vice President
Q: Why should Obama have chosen Evan Bayh for Vice President?
A: The name Birch Evans Bayh III makes Barack Hussein Obama sound almost normal.
A: The name Birch Evans Bayh III makes Barack Hussein Obama sound almost normal.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Really funny jokes-I am rich
O.M.G., I'm rich!
Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth
Crystals in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood
Lead in the Arse
Iron in the Arteries
And
An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.
I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth, now I can buy that gold-plated yacht and the Bentley.
Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth
Crystals in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood
Lead in the Arse
Iron in the Arteries
And
An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.
I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth, now I can buy that gold-plated yacht and the Bentley.
Labels:
Clean jokes,
Good jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
Little Johnny jokes-Filling tank
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, "Hey Dad! What are you doing?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."
Little Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."
His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."
Little Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."
Labels:
Adult jokes,
Hilarious jokes,
Really Funny Jokes
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